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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Boyfriend has gone AWOL tonight

41 replies

Agrestic · 01/10/2013 01:43

So my boyfriend of two months went back to his home town tonight. He hasn't been able to go back for a few months and hasn't seen his family or friends.

Today he went back at lunch time and said he would be back around 8/9. For a few days while we have been talking about him going (it was for something special) he said he would come back rather than staying over. We made plans for tonight, nothing special just a night in.

He isn't back yet and his phone is off.

I know he's just gone out to see friends, had a few beers and run out of battery. but he should have let me know shouldn't he?

How should I handle it when he gets in touch? The relationship so far has been great but I this makes me feel totally disregarded and a bit worried..

OP posts:

VitoCorleone · 01/10/2013 20:10

This is a couple of months in? Give the guy some space

AnyFucker · 01/10/2013 20:18

If I had made firm plans with somebody I had known for 5 minutes I would have the courtesy to let them know if my plans had changed. Good manners cost nowt.

lunar1 · 01/10/2013 20:25

He should have let you know his plans changed.

brettgirl2 · 01/10/2013 20:26

This reminds me of an ex-friend's ex-boyfriend!

Not turning up when he said was the first indication of him being a prize twunt. It doesn't matter how long you've been together it's about respect and manners.

Capitaltrixie · 01/10/2013 20:49

Exactly! Its not about being suffocating or space, that's a different issue; as Brettgirl said, it's about respect and manners

AcidNails · 01/10/2013 21:20

Granted a text wouldnt have gone amiss, but if the guys battery was flat then I can see why he hasn't moved heaven and earth to send one! It really wouldn't occur to me to ever swap a SIM with someone else - and they aren't exactly easy to get out these days either.

Honestly 2 months in, I'd let it go. Sure if it keeps happening then it's a different story.
But I really do think it's very suffocating to spend so much time with someone after a 2 month relationship to the extent where one person feels the other needs to justify where they are. I mean the title is "boyfriend gone AWOL" and the poor guy's just not been in touch for 1 day!!!

BeCool · 01/10/2013 23:37

I don't think swapping SIMS would work on a iPhone. The contacts wouldn't travel with the SIM.

it could be he is a twat and giving you clear insight into his inconsiderate core nature.

Or it could be he got carried away with old friends, phone went flat and it's really no big deal.

Only you can have an idea about that OP.

I do think its weird that he was so excited about going back there and seeing old friends yet he made plans with you for the evening. I would have kept the evening free so I could go with the flow of my day.

BeCool · 01/10/2013 23:40

Sorry family not friends. Which makes him having plans with you for the evening even stranger to me.

grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 07:58

Rude to stand you up.Ignore the 'I'm so cool I.don't care where my DP is, he just turns up.when he feels like it crowd' anyfucker is right, this is a question of manners and your bloke has shown a lack of respect for you in not texting. I.can't believe ppl think this is ok, its staggeringly rude to stand someone up no matter what you were going to be doing or how long you've known them.

diddl · 02/10/2013 08:13

He had plans to come & see you-of course he should have phoned to say that that wasn't happening afterall!

DorothyBastard · 02/10/2013 08:43

I think it's rude to stand you up. Yes the plans to stay in and watch telly weren't anything special but they were plans nonetheless. I'm sure he would have been pissed off if he'd got to yours at 8pm to find you'd gone out.

Personally I think this is a bit off. After only 2 months together he should be on his best behaviour still, you both should.

Walkacrossthesand · 02/10/2013 08:56

Has he been unreliable on other occasions in the 2 months? Given to suggesting plans but not following through, cancelling at the last minute, not calling when he said he would (but calling soon enough for you not to get too hacked off) etc?

flowery · 02/10/2013 09:18

If someone is expecting you and you can't make it, you let them know. Simple. The length of the relationship is completely irrelevant.

Original poster

Agrestic · 02/10/2013 09:51

Thanks guys. The only problem I had was the no contact bit, not him going out - all I wanted was a text. I don't think the relationship is suffocating for either of us.

He turned up at mine shortly after I last posted. His phone ran out of battery mid text to say he wasn't coming back. I was wrong he hadn't been out with friends but had stayed with his parents who had just dropped a bombshell. He could have called but it was a pretty tense evening.

He's forgiven, I went off yesterday and did my thing so alls well that ends well

OP posts:

SalmonellaDeGhoul · 02/10/2013 09:55

hellsbellsmelons · 02/10/2013 10:18

Glad it's all worked out and you had a nice time.

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