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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex DP new baby - not interested in DC's

3 replies

Bermiegirl70 · 30/09/2013 23:13

Actually, that's not strictly true - he's not been interested for a couple of years now! Brief history - I asked him to leave 3 years ago when I found he'd been cheating with someone, lying about it etc - he wanted to stay - living in our house. Having all the benefits but able to do what he wanted! Needless to say - I didn't want that!

Anyway, he met his new DP, now wife, 5 months later, had a baby in the September (which he says was his, but the maths just doesn't add up!), and moved 2 hours away. For a year or so, I encouraged our DC to go, but always had a major argument to get them to go, tears the lot. After a year, my younger DC refused to visit any more - said he'd hated it there, and told me some real horror stories. My older DC, who has behavioural issues continued to go - as he "didn't want to make dad angry", but after a horrible time this Easter, has also refused to go any more.

Fast forward to now, Ex DP and new wife have had baby number two - didn't tell the DC till 8 days later, and then to top it off came up to where we live to introduce baby to his family, but not his own DC!

He's not supported them financially for 12 months now, despite me chasing CSA, although there may be some light on the horizon! I think this together with the total lack of interest I the DC has meant that the DC don't want any more to do with him, but won't tell him. I just wonder what anyone would do? I've had it now with trying to be nice and pleasant, and actually just feel like giving him an earful that I've been dying to do for a long time now!!

Any advice would be great - thanks!

OP posts:
humphryscorner · 30/09/2013 23:32

Personally I would always leave the door open for dc to visit but if they don't want to go, don't force.

I would be on the phone to csa making that sorry arsed bastard pay for his kids regardless if they want to see him or not.

Some one will offer better advice soon!!

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/10/2013 06:40

Keep pushing the CSA for the child-support but keep your kids home and safe. Don't force any more visits if they find it distressing. Save your breath rather than having an argument with him because it'll be like talking to a brick wall. He's clearly not interested in the slightest, won't fight your decision, and the only use he is to your DCs now is financial.

Bermiegirl70 · 01/10/2013 12:26

Thanks both! I'm so angry at him right now I could scream. Treating me as he has is one thing, but when it comes to my DC I get like a mama bear! Has anyone else this sort of experience with ex-DPs?

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