Hi - stay as strong as you can. It is very hard especially with emotional abusive people. He will make you feel you are making the wrong decision, I'm sure, and will try and guilt you into staying. He may even try and be charming/kind and helpful (mine tried that one - it made me question the abuse all over again).
I went to counselling to deal with infidelities but actually ended up talking more about the emotional abuse. I called him a bully for the first time and cried like I've not cried for years as admitting it was so horrific. I knew I could never call him that to his face as he would never accept it.
It took a month or so of regular talking each evening. Sometimes, I would think I'd said it was over but would go to bed exhausted somehow having agreed to try again - it was his way of manipulating the conversation etc. I would wake up in the morning dreading having the same conversation again.
He won't believe that you are leaving him because he cannot accept he no longer has control over you anymore - emotionallly and mentally. You've done one of the hardest things already by telling yourself you deserve better and having the strength to tell him that.
He will need time for it to sink in because like I said he cannot accept that you've done it. Unfortunately you have to stick to your guns and keep saying it.
Have you told your family? I gained an enormous amount of strength from telling close friends and family and was stunned when people agreed they had witnessed the abuse. It actually made me feel stronger. And telling him that I was talking to my parents/close friends that we were splitting up made it more real for him too.
I started discussing the plan of action - and ultimately took control - would we sell the house? How many estate agents shall I get round, then each evening would tell him what I'd done to get one step closer to what we needed.
At every step, I asked him to come to counselling too suggesting it would help him come to terms with the end of the relationship - he refused.
I knew I was doing the right thing for me and my son - I didn't want my son learning about relationships from what he could see at home (not rows per se but the controlling/emotional abuse I just assumed was normal).
BUT, I did it, I'm out of that relationship. Three nights ago I moved into my flat with my son. I'm currently sleeping on the floor. I have little furniture as he took it all. I bought myself the sofa I have always wanted but wasn't allowed - silly I know but he always put down my taste in things. And it's like an 'up yours' to him that I've now got it.
And if you've read my other posts, you'll know I have an enormous mountain to climb with low self-esteem and lack confidence and stupidly becoming fixated on another man who I thought was boosting my self esteem but really was/is just draining it in another way. I need a lot of help to love/like me again.
But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I did the right thing and persevered to get out of an utterly toxic relationship. I have a key to my own home, I can move on and I will. I do not miss him at all.
I wish you all the best. It will get better, I promise. Despite the other issues I have to deal with. I know I am on the path to being a lot happier than I've been for a very long time.
You've started on the journey I started five months ago. You can do it, my lovely.