I've been a lurker for months and posted once when I first found MN. Ive had to create a new account for this though as I couldn't remember what I'd registered under.
I'm in danger of either massively over reacting or massively under reacting and I would like some advice from some of you wise MNetters to probably do something in between.
I'll try and keep it as short as possible, sorry if it ends up dragging on...
DH and I have had issues for a couple of years now. Particularly during my pregnancy and in the first year or DS's life. He's 18 months now. DH was just a total selfish twunt, like many others probably. Very unsupportive, moody, downright mean on occasions. He also rediscovered porn and as a result we didn't have sex for 20 months. Last Christmas we nearly broke up but decided to try and work it out.
But then another issue came up, which was his work. He is self employed and works hard but dictates his own hours. For the first year of DS's life, he worked way too much and was out most nights. Infact, he was only at home for 47 evenings . I counted on the calendar once. He saw DS for a few hours every morning but because he was never home at night it meant 1) I could never go out with friends or to the gym, 2) I never got a break from the early mornings or sleep disturbance 3) it was hard to get my own work done and 4) I felt very lonely, we never saw each other and I felt our relationship wasn't recovering because of this, it is still very strained. To me anyway, he thinks its fine.
Two months ago, I snapped and said I couldn't go on and things had to change because I refused to live like this any longer. I said we didn't need money that much and laid down some rules. He had to have at least one day off a week, one weekend day a month and two evenings at home a week.
He stuck to it for six weeks. On Friday, he told me that this week he would be out every night working again, but quickly added that he had booked this week before my rules were implemented so he couldn't do anything about it. Then he proceeded to boast about the number of days off he had taken the last six weeks, how good he's been and suggested we have sex to celebrate as we haven't it for a while and tried to get me to thank him. I got annoyed at the time that he expected praise for a basic relationship requirement and forgot to ask the reasons why he had to work.
Anyway, I asked him today. He immediately went on the defensive and told me I never listen, it's impossible to tell me anything. He'd booked the work two months ago. I asked him what and which days and he said Thurs/Fri. It turns out the work he is doing tonight and tomorrow was definitely changeable and would only have been booked last week. I know this because I did the same work for the same people and still do sometimes.
I know for a fact he could have looked at his calendar last week, seen that he was working every night and decided to pass the work on to colleagues, which would have been easy because they all want more work. He didnt want to because he is in a mood with two of the guys he works with and didnt want to give them the extra.
So he has reneged on the agreement because of a stupid mood. I'll be on my own all week, struggling to get my own work done - ive a really busy week ahead - and look after DS
I know it might not seem the worst crime in the world but I feel like telling him to pack his bags. I resent the fact he tried to bluster over it by saying I don't listen to him to distract me from finding out the truth.
We didnt speak for an hour while I mulled over it. Then he started being really nice and sweet and went to work. I havent said my piece yet because I don't know what to say. Very often what would happen is it will just get left and add to the mountain of resentment, which is a permanent fixture in our front room and has a lovely decorative elephant on top of it.
How bad is it really? Thank you, if you've managed to get this far
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is it really that bad...because I feel like I want to boot him out
EllieInTheRoom · 30/09/2013 20:06
I think you know what to do in your heart of hearts but you're asking us to try to get you out of doing the inevitable. Some men have a great way of making themselves sound reasonable even though what they're doing is wrong. My dh does that so I have to be very aware of the facts! For him To push you into a wall, watch porn, never there etc. I don't think you have to find excuses, just state you're unhappy in your relationship, you have been for a long time and ask for time apart. The fact you have to make an agreement for him to spend time with you is completely ridiculous and that's all you state. I think he is making you feel very low and has ground you down a bit to be honest. Good luck with any decision you make x 
The push was a few months ago, since then any disagreement we have just gets swept away. If I complain about anything, I just get the eye roll, the "here we go again" as though I'm a nag.
Im actually a very positive person but he has started telling me how negative I am and I wonder if its true. Im reading through my comments to see if I have exaggerated anything or twisted anything but I haven't.
OK, I just need to think about the next step.
Thanks lisy although I really need
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Yay ! A bit of spirit ! 
To be serious though, please stay safe. We may be wrong here, but I sense a man that may escalate the "physical" side because so far it seems to have worked for him. Men like this being creatures of habit, they don't take it too well when the worm starts to turn.
Don't put yourself at risk. Take a step back if anything, and start watching his actions (not words) with the critical eye they deserve.
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