Been with DH for 11 1/2 years, married 7. In the beginning I was very highly sexed and he struggled to keep up. I had significantly more experienced than him. We were early 20s and soon settled down to a rhythm which suited us both.
Inevitably it dwindled to 3 times a week on average. Then we had dd (now 3.5) born by c section. After a few months west after having sex again and it was less, but still 1-2 times a week.
Des is now 18 mo and I had a horrendous vaginal delivery with him, resulting g in an operation to repair it when he was 6 months old, a year ago. We didn't have sex again until the end of October last year.
It then trundled along at once every 4-6 weeks. We both suffered depression, des isn't a brilliant sleeper, I'm a SAHM, I've had a big, big falling out with my parents, who live far away, I'm still breast feeding a demanding boy and we rarely get a babysitter. When we had sex, it was me who initiated it, but I knew he'd be up for it more often.
I was aware that things needed to improve and wanted to reignite our sex life. We had a big heart to heart when we went out for our anniversary and things picked up. We agreed that we needed to make an effort to be more affectionate and to go to bed early when tired etc.
Then things went into overdrive. All of a sudden DH is like a horny teenager, let hung and groping, being suggestive all the time. He would have sex twice a night if available. That in itself I don't mind, but I'm not up for it that often. I fancy 1-2 times a week atm. So when I make that clear he makes a big deal about sorti g himself out, says it makes him feel sad (because he spent a lot of time doing just that when des was born) and generally making me feel quite guilty. I discussed it with him and he said sorry, he didn't want to huff.
But over the last few weeks it keeps coming up. Last night I told him that it was getting a bit odd and that I resent being made to feel obligated. He is looking like he might get depressed again etc.
He keeps talking about how he understands why I'm not so highly charged now, but being frustrated that we don't have timescales for things improving (ie the kids not knacks ring me. Baby has a cold ATM and waking up crying a lot, and I don't want to be dtd and be interrupted by that).
I am frustrated because I see a longer term picture and feel angry that he can't. When we disagree we normally compromise, so he thought a compromise would be 4 times a week until I pointed out that he was being a twat if I wasn't up for it.
He is a lovely bloke, I love him very much and can't picture my future without him. But this is beginning to destroy us. It mightn't sound like much, but he's on about it ALL THE TIME and admitted that heis beginning to resent the children a bit. The more he pushes, the more it puts me off.
As I see it things ARE improving, pretty quickly, but tht isn't good enough. It just seems like everyone wants a piece of me & I am sitting here with dd and just want to cry.
Sorry it's so long and not sure what I'm asking. Any advice? Please tell me how often would seem 'normal' in our situation.