Do I tell him to go ????

[relax]

Married for 13 years . 2 children . In May infound flirty text with n ex colleague. I told him to get rid or go . He got rid of the text but recently I have found he met her when he should have been somewhere else . He got a parking fine and I caught him out ( he said he met her as a friend and told her it was driving me mad and to say goodbye ) . Anyway ( I know I shouldn't but have been snooping on his phone ) but he had her phone no under a mans name and a postcode . Do I delete it ? Block the number and put mine in to see what he is texting . I found an email fro this week saying how "life is complicated " and telling her when he next goes away.
I think he may need to be untouch with her for work as she now works at a sister company ( he helped her get the job) . As I am reading this back I am thinking I am a Bit of a door mat but we do get on well . The spark has gone and he has said he is unsure if he loves me . What's my action plan . Am so worried and scared to be on my own . For mine and the kids sake

I think you know the answer and are afraid of acting.

He's lying to you.
He's not sure he loves you.

Why are you scared of being alone?

I have never lived on my own before . The thought of having to pay all the bills myself, ( I only work part time) , the house is in his name , am a bit scared I can't do it . But don't want to be lied and cheated on . Should I tell her to ring her ( in front of me ) and tell her no more contact at all . She is married aswell , I just can't believe this of him

This would be the second time you'll make him go no contact, no?

Why don't you seek information about where you'd stand and then have the talk with him?
He knows you won't leave and has no problems in lying.

Otherwise you'll be entering a l

... a long succession of lies and ultimatums.

You are not his guard.

I'd suggest you go to CAB and start to find out your options.

Lets be perfectly honest, women tend to live longer than men. Therefore most women will have to live on their own and pay bills at sometime. Wouldn't you rather learn now at your age than when you are 60, 70 or 80?

Do not use that as an excuse!

You gave him the ultimatum to 'get rid or go' and he hasn't got rid. To emerge from this with any self-respect intact and if you are still hoping to remain married, I think he has to go. Only by seeing that you are serious about this and only by understanding exactly how much he has to lose can you hope to influence his behaviour. And if he decides that his family isn't worth the effort, you have lost nothing.

Understandable that you are worried about the practical side of life if you should split. However, as a wife and mother of children, you're actually in quite a strong position legally. It's worth checking out the details as it may make you feel more confident.

"Should I tell her to ring her ( in front of me ) and tell her no more contact at all ."

This is something of a 'set piece' and, although it sounds like a good idea, it's rarely done with any intention to keep to the promise.

Thanks guys ... We'll I rang the number to confirm to myself he was storing it under a pseudonym and she answered , so I went home packed a bag and told him to leave . He has gone to a hotel to " sort his head out " . He says there is no future with the Ow but like I said to him he only had to say no more to her and he didn't , I am a wreck but know I have done the right thing . I hope this has given him a shock to know I mean business and I am not putting up with it

That took a lot of courage and well done. It's virtually impossible to have any kind of relationship with a liar.

Well done - you are very strong and have done the right thing. Life with someone who doesn't love you must be very draining - you are better off without him and so are your children.

Good for you.

Whatever happens in the future, whether you separate or you get back together eventually, make sure you keep your self respect.