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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've scared myself and am not sure what to do.

35 replies

Shinylights · 29/09/2013 20:59

I drank two bottles of wine, by myself, in my pj's, in front of the telly, one night last week. When I got up the next day I was horrified at how much I'd drank and haven't drank since, but I've scared myself.

I'm in my 40s, married with 3 kids. We are under a lot of external pressure and after going through a phase of continually bursting into tears/shouting etc, I saw my GP and she put me in citalopram. I felt more in control I suppose, and calmer, but it affected my sleep and I also feel like I can't relax properly, so got into the habit of a big glass if wine when the children go to bed. The glass has turned into the bottle, and then opening a second bottle, and that takes me to last week.

My husband keeps odd hours and wasn't aware how much I was drinking. I told him everything and he was shocked but supportive. I've got rid of all the wine in the house and haven't drank since but I need a plan I think.

AA seems very "all or nothing" and I also am too frightened to come off the antidepressants. I come from a long line of drinkers, and my dad is a functional alcoholic. I haven't discussed this with anyone other than my DH.

Please help!

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/09/2013 21:22

I don't know what to suggest but I'm glad you told DH. Can you speak to your GP first thing in the morning? It was a brave step to see her last time but you need help and she has to be updated to do that.

Whatnext074 · 29/09/2013 21:27

I am on those ADs too and sleep has been a problem but that may be because of the situation I'm going through right now but I do know insomnia can be a side effect.

Have you tried herbal sleeping remedies (speak to GP 1st), maybe some calming music to help you sleep? A small glass of wine doesn't hurt but if it's turning into more then you have recognised a problem and that's a good step.

Please see your GP to talk it through.

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 21:27

I saw my GP last week (I had to get my citalopram prescription renewed) and it was a different doctor. I told him I was drinking every night and not sleeping and he gave me 14 zopliclone tablets, which helped with the sleep, but he said I couldn't be on them for long as they become a crutch. I asked about maybe upping my citalopram dose (I'm on 20 mg and started on 10) and he said no.
I don't think I was depressed, I think I was very anxious and on edge.
Thanks for replying by the way. It's like I'm talking about someone else.Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 21:29

Tried the herbal sleep stuff but it gives me a terrible headache the next day - worse than a hangover.

I don't think I'm drinking to sleep, I'm drinking to wind down in the evenings - or at least that's how it started. 2 bottles isn't winding down though, it's blotto. Sad

OP posts:
Whatnext074 · 29/09/2013 21:31

Those ADs are specific for anxiety. They do take up to 6 weeks to get the full effect though.

Please don't just come off them though, that can be dangerous. Speak to your GP hun.

HandragsAndGladbags · 29/09/2013 21:31

Have you tried taking the citalopram at a different time of day - that may have an effect on sleeping?

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 21:33

Yes I started taking them early evening and my sleep was terrible, so I changed to the morning and that helped a lot. Sleep is a big deal for me - our children are very young, one never sleeps through and they're all up very early.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 29/09/2013 21:36

How are you feeling, now you've had a few days without your evening drink? You frightened yourself by creeping up to an excessive amount, but you could set a limit to 2.5 units (a large glass) each night (maybe with an alcohol-free day per week) and be within guidelines for alcohol consumption.

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 21:46

How do I feel? I think I might be an alcoholic. Sad and if I'm really honest I don't think at the moment that I could have just one glass, which is kind of how I got to this point.

I've always been a big drinker but it was very much a "social" thing. Drinking at home alone is different somehow. I think for a while at least I can't have wine in the house. DH only drinks in the pub so if it's in the house it's for me.

OP posts:
venusandmars · 29/09/2013 21:48

Can't offer anything on your meds, but the glass to the bottle, then to the second bottle I know all about.....

A couple of things.... alcohol is a depressant (respiratory depressant, and also a mental depressant) so whatever is going on with your mental health, anxiety etc drinking a shed-load or drinking on a regular basis won't be helping, and will often exacerbate the problem or mask your recovery. If you really want to get in touch with your anxiety / sleep / mood state, then stopping drinking is a good first step.

You talk about AA being "all or nothing"... I'm not an AA go-er (although I have been) but the key is to be really honest with yourself about what you want if you hope to be a 'normal' drinker. Tbh, as someone with an alcohol problem, I never really wanted to be what anyone in normal society would call normal drinker. I didn't want to have ONE glass of wine and then drink tea all evening, I didn't want to share a bottle of wine with dh OCCASIONALLY, I didn't want to be sensible or sober. I wanted to be intoxicated. Often.

OP, I well know that the paragraph above probably doesn't describe you. But if there are hints and echoes, then maybe get in touch with those feelings NOW before they become too big, and too difficult , and too much of a habit. Because that is one tough battle. I know.

something2say · 29/09/2013 21:53

Shinylights, well done first of all, for admitting this. My advice is that you google alcohol services in your local area and make contact. Xx and don't get fixated in taking mess to alleviate the anxiety for too long...maybe up to a year. What could be behind the anxiety would you say? Xx

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:02

"Tbh, as someone with an alcohol problem, I never really wanted to be what anyone in normal society would call normal drinker. I didn't want to have ONE glass of wine and then drink tea all evening, I didn't want to share a bottle of wine with dh OCCASIONALLY, I didn't want to be sensible or sober. I wanted to be intoxicated. Often."

That rings a lot of bells with me.

OP posts:
theboutiquemummy · 29/09/2013 22:03

Try the soberistas website they offer some great advice

Good luck x

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:04

Something2say, the anxiety is from some heavy duty outside influences which I can't do anything about - some issues with one of my children, a protracted legal case which is still ongoing, that sort of thing. I've just got ground down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:05

Will have a look, tgeboutiquemummy

OP posts:
something2say · 29/09/2013 22:09

All you need is some different coping mechanisms to face those things. X. You can't deal wit trouble by getting off your tits every day x

venusandmars · 29/09/2013 22:11

shiny I post on the BraveBabes thread on here: link here

We're all kinds of people who acknowledge that we drink too much. Some are not drinking at all, some are controlling their drinking, some of us are just in a messy phase.

Keep your own thread going here, but maybe have a wee peek at the Brave Babes thread - if alcohol is one of your problems then you'll probably find you identify with loads of what people post.

(and please don't be scared about posting - there are so many lovely people on that thread - they are a bunch of sweethearts)

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:19

I read every post on the very first thread of bravebabes - the one by jesuswhatnext and that's what prompted me to post - but she went to AA and I can't get my head round that. It's too scary. And you're right, I need another way to cope. I can't see how one glass has got so out of hand, yet it has. It's become That Thing I Do When The Kids Are In Bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:22

Thank you venusandmars, I'll peep in at the new thread. x

OP posts:
BafanaThesober · 29/09/2013 22:27

I am with Venus on this, I no longer drink, and haven't for almost three years, because I drank very much like she did, I recognise myself a lot in her posts.
I did two things, I went to AA (although I don't any longer) and I joined the Brave Babes here. It helped me to talk through all the things that I didn't want to talk about and would rather have drank on.
I was also a very greedy drinker, one was never gonna be enough for me, I wanted it all and more. Two bottles was something I certainly did by the end of my drinking.
Luckily - like you I recognised it was not a good place to be. And I changed it before it began to really have a serious impact on my life.
Wish you all the luck in the world, you can totally get a handle on this.
I don't drink at all now, and tbh, the freedom it gives me is wonderful. And I can't think of a time in over a year where it has even occurred to me to drink.

venusandmars · 29/09/2013 22:38

bafana 'greedy drinker' is such a great phrase Smile it doesn't carry the emotion or prejudice of 'alcoholic' and it so well describes the feeling of wanting more, and also the feeling of hating someone who stole my share!*

shiny hold on to your hat and come and join us. It's a wonderful and bumpy ride.

Original poster
Shinylights · 29/09/2013 22:41

Thanks for replying - I simply cannot imagine being total abstinent. But is there a middle ground? By admitting I have a problem does that mean I will always have a problem?

OP posts:
Choos123 · 29/09/2013 22:51

Good luck shinylights, some distraction activities in the evening might help, is it possible you could start working out in the evenings, go to the gym, something to break that cycle of sitting down and trying to stop the whirring. I'm sure others would have better suggestions on that too.

BafanaThesober · 29/09/2013 22:58

Shiny, the thought of being abstinent really really scared the pants off me too, it also stopped me actually doing anything about my drinking for a time (longer than i care to admit tbh).

I went to AA thinking please let me be the one that can continue to drink a little bit. I am shocked to discover that it bothers me not a jot not to drink now.
I don't go to AA now because I don't want to live my life looking at what I don't do, I am too busy doing stuff I do want to do. But they were very helpful in the early days.

I would also point out - I am an addict. I was addicted to alcohol (whether that makes me an alcoholic - I am not sure) I am now addicted to running :-) far healthier - and makes my jeans look far better than they did after 2 bottles of wine!! I am quite happy to recognise that I am addict, it certainly helps with lots of things - just was not conducive to me and bottles of wine :-).

venusandmars · 29/09/2013 23:17

shiny I have no idea (to either of your questions). It's such an individual path.

I think that by admitting that you have problem NOW is good. It's maybe time to get on top of a bad habit which can be difficult to get out of, but doesn't mean that you have an 'incurable' alcoholic disease (if there is such a thing!).

My opinion is that a habit, any habit, is difficult to change (have you ever tried to change the 'habit' of brushing your teeth with your right hand? there is nothing 'bad' about which hand you hold your toothbrush in, but just try it to understand how tough it can be to change a non-addictive habit). If your habit is to drink, then the braves babes have loads of practical advice about helping to change the habit.

And several who post, or have posted in the past, have changed their habits. And are fine and OK and 'normal' drinkers (but are probably always slightly more vigilant and aware.....)

For me, the middle ground was the toughest of all. For me, it meant being vigilant, in control, always conscious of what I drank or planned to drink, always with strategies and plans, ever analytical, always counting units, forever bargaining with myself. God, it was exhausting. For me, much easier to not really drink much at all.

No-one can tell what your path might be. Imagine it as a great big experiment. You'll soon find out what works well for you, and what takes you back onto that big old alcoholic loop. And in your experiment you WILL find out what works for you. Just don't ignore the evidence.