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Original poster

I am utterly sick of being cracked onto by married men

30 replies

Pantone363 · 29/09/2013 17:30

I'm divorced after my own DH had an affair. I'm still young(ish) and go out regularly to bars/clubs/pubs.

I've lost count of the amount of men openly married (wearing rings) or pretending they're not married who have asked for mine or friends numbers all the way up to looking for a ONS.

I went out last night and there was a group of men on a school reunion 9/11 were married. 3 of them went home with other women, 1 of them was actually of fronted when I said what a fucking cliche he was because he's shagging some young office girl at his work.

I almost want to start a website where women can report these fuckers to their wives. The one I was talking to went into my phone and added held on my snapchat. I got a lovely pic this morning Hmm.

I'm afraid I'm becoming so cynical about men, I honestly can't see myself ever getting married again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pantone363 · 29/09/2013 17:31

Added himself

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/09/2013 17:40

Bars pubs and clubs are kind of a biased subset though, aren't they? All the decent married men are probably sat home playing Monopoly or doing a bit of tiling... :)

NotDead · 29/09/2013 17:42

I wonder if women ever have random getoffs?

Original poster
Pantone363 · 29/09/2013 17:43

Random getoffs? I go out with married women, they don't go out in order to pull.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/09/2013 17:59

The received wisdom on MN is that if any of those dirty bastards do pull, it's the woman's (OW) fault for luring their 'lovely with the kids' DH onto the rocks. Hmm So you're on less of a night out and it's more a marital policing exercise. ... Just so you know.

FrancescaBell · 29/09/2013 18:02

Were the participants of the school reunion strangers to you OP? If so, how did you know one of them was shagging someone at his work? Confused

And how did your phone get to be in the possession of some randomer? Did he take it without permission? What a jerk if so.

Agree about the self-selecting subset to an extent, but married people do venture out to pubs and clubs and have no difficulty with deciding not to go on the pull. And many married men will often be doing something far more interesting at home with their wives than monopoly or tiling Wink.

Original poster
Pantone363 · 29/09/2013 18:39

Yes they were strangers. If been talking to one of them for ages and he got a text, I asked if it was from his wife (joking) and he said no it was from his girlfriend, his wife didn't text whilst he was out Hmm. He took my phone from my bag whilst I was in the loo.

It's just too often to be a few random bad ones

OP posts:
Parmarella · 29/09/2013 18:49

Cogito, good point

worsestershiresauce · 29/09/2013 19:14

cogito that's bollocks. I've been on here long enough and read enough threads to have seen quite a different viewpoint.

Nearly every woman going through this blames their husband, but many can't completely absolve the OW of any responsibility. Hardly surprising, as the OP points out it is entirely possible to be hit on by a married man and keep your pants on. I knocked a few back in my single days. I bet we all have.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/09/2013 19:22

It's not entirely bollocks :) The patriarchy being what it is, the responsibility for men's fidelity too often falls on women. In MN-world, the men may get blamed but the real vitriol is very often reserved for the 'OW'.

moonfacebaby · 29/09/2013 19:25

I'm separated after exH's affair & in the past few months I've had one supposedly happily married man ask me if I fancied a shag & another old flame from years ago (also married with young kids) send me messages on FB that were blatantly fishing for something more than friendship.

I just find it really depressing & it's hard not to feel disillusioned with men & their behaviour. I know that there are women out there who are just as bad, so I'm trying not to label all men as cheats.

KingRollo · 29/09/2013 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EBearhug · 29/09/2013 19:31

Yes, I seem to be able to attract married men like flies to a dungheap, but any single, available ones? Nah.

Well, I say I am able to - I'm talking about back when I was attracting any men at all, rather than being totally invisible as I currently appear to be.

worsestershiresauce · 29/09/2013 19:33

No, not seen it. The posts I've read the OW hasn't been blamed. Not much liked sure, but I think the majority vote has always been that 'DH' is the ar5ehole.

Show me a thread where we all jump on the OW as a scheming harlot luring a good man away from his loyal wife. Bet you can't.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/09/2013 19:46

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1865033-ExH-got-engaged-to-OW-yesterday... This one spreads the hatred fairly evenly but it's pretty typical. She's a 'black widow' etc.

moonfacebaby · 29/09/2013 19:54

I think the OW is equally to blame. Yes, she may often be single but what self-respecting person believes the crap that married men come out with?

From a very personal perspective, I wouldn't touch a married man with a barge pole - I've got far too much self respect to indulge all that "have their cake & eat it" behaviour. And I don't want to share the man I'm with. I also can't bear lying, so to be with someone who is telling some pretty spectacular lies on a daily basis would be int

moonfacebaby · 29/09/2013 19:58

Argh - phone.

... Would be intolerable.

I'd also judge them as weak & cowardly & those aren't attractive qualities.

The OW in my case didn't give a hoot about our 2 kids, one who was a new born. Obviously, neither did my exH.

I just don't get it. That's why I think I have alot of disdain for the OW.

I do get that the one who is married is the selfish, weak one but I think OW have those qualities in abundance too.

JaceyBee · 29/09/2013 19:59

Oh come on! Pretty much ALL the affair threads do that!

TheCrumpetQueen · 29/09/2013 20:02

I've had a guy on my case for a couple of years. Not married but has a daughter. He would come into my work place nearly every day and flirt very blatantly.

I felt sorry for his gf and daughter. I know she's on here too but wouldn't want to upset her, I'm sure he will do that in time.

Twinklestein · 29/09/2013 20:03

They hit on married women too, some guys are fairly indiscriminate, but I don't think they're representative.

I'm new round these parts and I have to agree with the comments about OW on here - any OW who has the temerity to ask for advice gets her head kicked in as far as I can see.

AnyFucker · 29/09/2013 20:09

So, don't respond to be being "cracked on to"

It's not rocket science. And it's not complicated. Unless you wish to make it so.

FrancescaBell · 29/09/2013 20:16

I think this is a different discussion than the OP wanted to have isn't it?

FWIW I've never seen a thread where an OW is blamed more than the unfaithful man, but yes there is blame levied in both directions, because both are er...to blame. If anything, I've noticed that women who are still in enormous shock and pain after discovering a betrayal and who are understandably lashing out and calling their husbands and the OW all the names under the sun, are treated to a particularly nasty kind of sanctimoniousness if they feel anything below sympathy and benevelence towards the woman who played a part in wrecking her life. Insults about her husband are allowed though. Wiser souls let her get her anger and shock out before discussing the affair and the OW's role in it, more rationally.

As far as the OP's concerned, she is talking about how the men she is meeting have further dented her faith in men's integrity while in committed relationships. Her position is completely understandable and it is disgraceful that a man felt entitled to invade her personal belongings and take away her phone.

Better that women get angry about that sort of behaviour and complain about it, than collude with it and compete with other women for these ghastly men.

A woman like that is worth 10 of the sort of men who treat the women in their lives so badly- and worth 10 of the sort of women who allow themselves to be party to that bad treatment.

NotDead · 29/09/2013 20:28

This does remind me of an ex gf who used to come home fizzing from gay bars saying it was unacceptable that straight men went there to flirt with women. She was straight and went there supposedly for 'sage' flooring with gay man. I asked if she had ever gone home with a straight guy from a gay bar. ' oh yeah' she said! ...no wonder..its a strategy that works!!

maleview70 · 29/09/2013 20:42

My wife goes out and her two married friends who both love to flirt with blokes to see of they have still got what it takes!
She went away with them to spain and one disappeared for half an hour with a bloke. She never admitted anything and it may have only been a snog but clearly it wasn't appropriate.

Women can be just as guilty as men of this!

78bunion · 29/09/2013 21:00

Women who love their husbands are much more likely to blame the other woman. In reality the husband is the one cheating and is more to blame than the other woman (unless she is also married too).

It is not hard to fend married men off even if you spend a lot of time in pubs and clubs.