why am I being so horrible to DH all the time?

[fishandlilacs]

I'm being a bit of a cow tbh, DH is a good man, a good dad. He suffers from some of the typical male failings of being a bit untidy, a bit self absorbed at times and sometimes a bit thoughtless but nothing serious and nothing outside of the realms of normal. He's just started a new job which is a brilliant job, much better pay, 50 % of it is working from home but he does have to go away a lot. For the last 16 years I have been used to him leaving the house 7-5 monday to friday.

I have been really poorly with flu for a week, he had to go away with work in the middle of it all, unfortunately it was to Oktoberfest so he also had a brilliant time. I am resentful of this, yes but I just cant stop being a cow. Not about anything specific, really.

I'm snappy and i'm finding him so irritating but he's just being himself, he took us all out for breakfast this morning, just because. He tidied the whole house yesterday, did all the family laundry and he's helped me do some stuff towards a project i'm doing for work.

Maybe it's the change in routine that buggered me up. I don't know

Are you at home all day as well?

yes most of the time.

That'll be it then. You're used to having all day to yourself and now he's under your feet.

maybe, but it feels like more than that. I dunno, i'm just dissatisfied but I don't really know what with.

Bored, lack of direction, maybe I'm a bit cross its not me with the fab new job, but he did it for us. I do 4 bitty part time jobs community teaching/youth work so I do 2 hours a week for 6 weeks, then it will change and i'll be running 4 different 1 hour courses for 10 weeks, some evenings, some weekends. I'm all over the place and it's not very satisfactory. I have to do a lot of my work unpaid extra hours in planning and prep. I hate having to do chop and change all the time. But I do this because my kids (6 and 20m) are my priority and I want to be home with them.

I guess were not out of any ruts that we built up while he was severely underpaid yet so day to day the better money hasn't made a great deal of difference yet.

Kids that age are high workload, low intellectual input, random emergencies - it's very hard to get any sense of direction. Can you channel some of the new money into getting a bit more free time and more predictable time (eg cleaner, child care, drop 1 job etc) so you can do something a bit more satisfying.

Also agree re Man Under Feet. He needs a shed office!

I get resentful of my OH career and his drive as all I seem to manage is getting the kid's to school and even then he now takes them to school for me so like what isthe point of me.
I do think you might need a readjustment period when routine changes.
He sounds lovely, have you chatted with him about how you are feeling. Helps me see thing more clearly and always makes me feel better.

Maybe next time you're about to say something less than pleasant to him, think about how you would feel if he said it to you. Works for me anyway. I'm as guilty as the next person of sometimes wanting a bit of time with noone else in my space, but it does help to think about how you'd feel if your DH had a right strop on just because you were at home.

Bored, lack of direction, maybe I'm a bit cross its not me with the fab new job, but he did it for us. I do 4 bitty part time jobs community teaching/youth work so I do 2 hours a week for 6 weeks, then it will change and i'll be running 4 different 1 hour courses for 10 weeks, some evenings, some weekends. I'm all over the place and it's not very satisfactory. I have to do a lot of my work unpaid extra hours in planning and prep. I hate having to do chop and change all the time. But I do this because my kids (6 and 20m) are my priority and I want to be home with them.

I think this is the crux of it. Life for your DH is fun and following a path. Life for you seems bogged down in the minutiae of domestic drudgery seemingly without a goal.

It could be that the change in routine has unsettled you and you're just not used to spending that much time with him. If things were rosy though, I think you'd relish it.

Your relationship sounds very normal and without any real problems, but once your DH has settled into his new job/routine, I'd make sure that your life becomes the priority. I sense that if you don't your partnership will seem badly out of kilter, Then resentment can flourish, you detach emotionally and things can go badly wrong without your even being aware of what's happening.