my dp's ex and her dd

[drpepper]

just wanted some opinions on my situation ! my dp has two ds's with his ex, since their seperation she has had a dd with her new dp she thinks my dp should take her dd on holidays and the like her reason being that her dd will feel left out if his ds's go without her and his ds's will question why she cant go with them ! i also have a dd and although i have absolutely no problem with my dp's ds's and they are a huge part of his and our life i dont know if i would be happy babysitting my dp's ex's dd when she is not my dp's responsibility ! am i being unreasonable ?

not your problem no way

whether you have a large extended family or not is up to you all to decide, but it should work both ways. how old is this dd (not)? i'd be VERY concerned about my dd being away from me for 2 weeks, no matter who she was with!

no you are not being unreasonable.

i know womeone whose elder two children go to a posh private school, whilst the younger one doesnt coz a different dad. the elder two also went on a months holiday somewher poshe and expensive, but they oungest has never been anywhere outside the uk.
different dad's , different finances

I don't understand what this girl's father is thinking. Why would he let his, presumably young, dd go on holiday trips away etc with two adults who are not her parents? Why doesn't he object? IMO it might be nice if you could take her with you on some day trips if you though that she might particularly enjoy them or your skids would particularly appreciate her joining you and your finances can afford it but that's a lot if ifs and buts .

You're not being unreasonable as such - but frankly where's the harm in taking this little girl with you???? What's the big deal about it?

I think that if you do or do not take this daughter on holiday, it could set a precedent - what will happen next holiday or the holiday after?

So I think you must agree a long term approach to this. Something for you, your dp and ex to thrash out. And also, work out how your own daughter fits into all of this and talk this through with everyong.

The ex's argument that her dd will feel left out holds just as true if the tables are turned and she invites your stepsons for a holiday and excludes your dd. If you feel she is trying to sweep you along on a guilt trip, you can point this out to her. Whatever, you need to reach some reciprocal agreement on this, so all three of you can put on a united front to all the children. Take her request as an opportunity to put the holiday arrangement thing into a wider context.(In my humble, non step parent opinion - feel free to ignore).

thanks so much for all your replies has been a bit of an eye opener to see how other people deal with similar situations ! but i still think its a bit much for me ! i am totally fine in fact cant wait to take my dp's ds's on holidays and more but i still dont think we should have to include a child that isnt either of ours just to keep the peace with the ex !

also if i take dp's ex's dd then surely i should take my ex's two ds's as he had 2 boys before we had our dd it would just be ridiculous and my ex would never ask or expect me to take them ( especially as me and dd havent seen him in 2 years ! ) i would go from having 1 dd of my own to having 6 kids !!!!!

Personally I don't think you should take her and I think its cheeky of her mum to ask.

I have 2 DDs with exH and when I was PG recently (unfortunately had mc) my DD2 (then 5) asked if the baby would come to daddy's house with them? She didn't understand why it wouldn't and felt it would be getting a benefit from staying with me that she wouldn't (not too keen on going to daddy's house you see!). BUT when/if the situation does arise I would never ask ex DH and his new wife to take the new baby. My DDs need time with their dad by themselves and I would bring the baby up to understand this.

Does sound like she just wants time without any kids!