Im broken

[buzzlightyear123]

My husband has told me tonight that he is leaving and has been having an affair, I had suspected some thing was wrong but i have very low self confidence and was hoping that i was wrong.
we have been married for 20 years I have two children Im so broken. He says its because I shout too much, its true I do at times when im stressed. He doesnt take any responsibility for anything I have always taken care of everything He does work hard but says I dont apreciate it, which just isnt true. I work too but part time because of childcare and school. He said I should get a better job but I cant find anything suitable I have no friends here. We have moved from overseas and our families live much too far away to help.
I have found myself a second job for the evenings and also registered for weekend work with an agency. But apparently thats not good enough I should just get a better paid job. I love my husband and have supported him through some difficult times Im tired and stressed we have no spare money and plenty of bills. Id like to look smart and make him laugh as Im sure this other woman does but with no money im stuck in a rut. I feel so sick What can i do, My children will be devastated. I cant believe im writing this. I dont talk to anyone about private things
please can someone give me some advice

Just wanted to say, until you encounter situations you do not know your own inner strength. He is totally the one in the wrong here and he is blaming you as he cannot take responsibility for his own actions. Your children will be fine because they have you. You have posted in the right place as there are loads of very wise Mnetters, especially on this board who am sure will give you lots of great advice, just keep posting

I agree with the PPs.... He's trying to excuse his decision by blaming you and that's the act of a coward who doesn't want to take responsibility for his own selfish actions. Stop buying his poisonous crap because none of us are perfect and you've done nothing wrong. He needs to leave immediately rather than keep insulting you with this rubbish. The quicker he goes, the quicker you can start to restore your self esteem

When it comes to telling the children, if you play it straight, stress that it's all Dad's decision and that nothing they have done has influenced his decision, that will be a good start. Children mostly need to know that their life will continue as normally as possible and that they are loved by both parents. Don't feel you have to 'hold it together for the children' at all times btw. If you're upset it's OK to express it.

Good luck

Thank you for your replies, I have been up all night crying. my youngest is up now so im just looking after him. Husband is in bed. I dont know how im going to get through today. Have extended family visiting that I cant put off. I will try to talk to my husband later but i feel so sick. I trusted him He was my soulmate I thought. I just cant believe this. He lied to me

You can put the family off. Unless they might be a help to you. It's so hard, but you can say "last night H told me he is having an affair and leaving, I cannot host you today", no-one can argue with that.
He's an arsehole for blaming you.
It is not your fault he has betrayed you,
Bet he's not perfect, and you haven't cheated on him.
Tell him to go, today, anywhere.
Then see a solicitor or CAB as soon as you can this week. Keep posting on here.
In a year's time (or less!) you'll be surprised how much happier you feel. I doubt if he can do this, he's been the perfect H.

So sorry

If things were really that bad, he should have talked to you, offered solutions, suggested counselling etc instead of choosing to cheat on you and his family.

Its far easier to scrape the barrel to find justification and blame the betrayed spouse for their own selfish choices and inability to keep their dick in their pants.

Tell your extended family that its a bad time as he is leaving you for OW - you do not need to keep his dirty secrets. Why should you pretend all is normal when your world has been shattered thanks to this man.

Put them off buzz

Jobs for today:
1: tell the relatives you all have norovirus and are squitting from both ends. In fact even better: get your husband up and tell him to do it.
2: pack your husband an overnight bag and get him out of your house, you can't possibly start to process what's happened with the source of your distress sharing your house and your bed.

You are entitled to do this. Do it.

I'm angry on your behalf. He is blaming you, how dare he. He is to blame not you. He is damaging your self esteem but this will return. Please ask him to leave and have someone in rl support you. Do you have anyone close you can confide in? I'm sending really warm thoughts and hugs your way. I hope you're ok.

I agree with what handywoman has advised. None of this is your fault and you need to get him out of the house as soon as possible, because he will come up with more ridiculous reasons to justify himself apart from you shouting too much. Next it will be you breathe too much! And your self esteem will plummet even further, when it needs to start climbing up.

Tomorrow, if you can, make an appointment with the Citizen's Advice Bureau so that you know where you are financially.

Keep posting on here. We'll all do our best to help.

He doesnt take any responsibility for anything I have always taken care of everything

So far, so normal for a man who has an affair. If you have a good look around affair threads on MNet, this is the usual pattern.

So sorry this has happened to you, especially as you sound so isolated and don't have friends close at hand.

The best thing is for him to leave now and for you to start telling people about it.