This is likely to be a long post but I don't want to drip feed... Also written in my phone so apologies if it's full of typos, no line spacing and read like a garbled diary entry!
DH and I have been together 8 years and married for 3. Mostly a great relationship and I'm in a better place for it. I've always had low self esteem and am a bit of a pleaser but with a tendency to blow my stack from time to time. DH weathers the storm and I'm getting better at trying to speak my mind sooner and let off steam before I get out of control emotionally.
Sometimes I'll try to address something I'm unhappy about but get scared he'll be upset or angry and I get it all wrong. I end up blurting it all out emotionally rather than rationally and he responds defensively and we get no-where. 99% of the time I end up backtracking to keep the peace (btw this is me not him - he isn't gas lighting EA type - I just approach the subject badly)
9 weeks ago we had a gorgeous baby girl. I really struggled at the start and am shit with no sleep. DH was amazing then he went back to work and things went awry. I've been feeling like he doesn't pull his weight in the evenings or at weekends. Handing her back when she's fractious and just getting on with his man projects at weekends. Last night when I asked him to take her he even said "as long as she doesn't kick off". I've been nervous of how to address this with him knowing I'm sleep deprived and emotional and he does do a lot - he will take her most nights from 10/11 until her next feed (normally c1:30) so I can get some sleep before the night shift (but normally asks for a medal cos she's been hard work)
She had her first jabs yesterday and developed a fever overnight. DH got v stroppy with me when I wanted to call 111 when her temp reached 38 saying she was fine. I felt that although we knew why she had a temp I wanted advice on what to look for and what was ok and what wasn't. We have her calpol but her temp reached 38.2 and I called. She's ok, still high temp but no issues.
He took her from me so I could sleep but didn't get her settled and it makes my brain itch when I know she wants to be held and to feel safe and he's jiggling her on his knee (for example). He gave her back to me and I fell asleep with her co sleeping for a few hours.
This morning DH announces he's off to an all day event cos he 'wouldn't be much help anyway'. I feel torn as I really want and need him but don't want to be the wicked witch (and am a bit 
that he'd go as leave her tbh but I get boys are wired differently)
I do think its important for him to do some of his own stuff and keep his sanity so try to support him in that. He would do the same if I wanted to go out and do something but as I'm Bf'ing it's easier not to at the moment.
I was upset when he left and didn't say I love you when he told me I love you as I wasn't feeling it at that moment. I called him a little later to say I love you and to tell him I hoped he had a great day.
We got chatting and he told me he feels I don't trust him to settle her and when he has her I hover and look at him like he doesn't know what he's doing. He might have a point. The upshot is his confidence is eroded and he is less inclined to take her esp when she's tearful or fractious. The impact of that is I feel he's not pulling his weight and hang around when he does have her cos I know he'll just hand her back after 5 mins saying 'god that was hard work'
So
How can we take this forward so he builds his confidence with her, I build trust he will meet her needs and we both get to enjoy time with her and doing our own thing?
Thanks for reading if you're still with me and not bored to death.