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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just announced pregnancy and b/f left

12 replies

JBerry87 · 27/09/2013 22:43

Hi, Ive just found out Im pregnant and b/f was really excited for the first few days, then starting telling me to get an abortion. Told me it wasn't my decision etc. I let him know that I was keeping the baby and he seemed to go okay again for a few days but now just keeps starting huge arguments over tiny little things, and he's started being really verbally abusive and aggressive. He's switched his phone off now and won't speak to me.

Everyone is telling me to pack his bags and put him out but am really scared about doing this on my own - just need some advice pls.

OP posts:
Hawkmoth · 27/09/2013 22:47

Easier doing it on your own than with someone who doesn't give a fuck. I did with my first and I was over the moon that he didn't want anything to do with us.

It's hard even so x

SweetSeraphim · 27/09/2013 22:49

You can do this on your own, I promise you. It'll certainly be easier than trying to do with someone who can't make their mind up Hmm

You'll be fine, honestly. Try and concentrate on you and your baby.

How long have you been together?

omuwalamulungi · 27/09/2013 22:50

I'm sorry, I'm just finding I may be in a similar position except our DS is 4 months. I am inwardly furious but it's his choice, I do my ranting to my friends not him.

He may need time to get his head around the idea, but being abusive and aggressive to you is NOT ok. Tell him if he wants to leave he can leave. You can do this alone, plenty do. There is support out there and on here for you at every step.

You CAN do it, I promise. It's hard but if you want the baby the joy that will bring you is far greater than aborting to stay with someone who sounds manipulative and quite abusive. Good luck with whatever you decide.

perfectstorm · 27/09/2013 22:55

Realistically, if he is only reacting from fear and being a gigantic arse for that reason (his initial reaction does make that seem at least a slight possibility) and will come to his senses and behave like an actual human being again, then packing his bags and booting him out will wake him up to what he's losing. If it doesn't... then I'm so sorry, but you've already lost him, and what sort of a relationship is that to lose, anyway? Telling a pregnant woman it is not her decision on whether she aborts or not is 1) legally rubbish and 2) morally disgusting.

You can do it alone. It's hard as hell, nobody will lie to you on that one, but frankly babies are often hard as hell with a partner, too, because many are not that much help in the early stages and opt out over the first months anyway. And if he has a scrap of decency he'll be involved to at least some extent, and the CSA will ensure he pays towards the costs. What sort of emotional/practical support can you expect from friends and family?

Congratulations on your little one, from another pregnant MNer. It's an amazing journey you're embarking on. :)

betterthanever · 27/09/2013 22:57

Op I did it on my own, it was very, very hard but very, very rewarding. At least this way you now know what he is like - he will not change.

My advice - get as much as you can of what he says to you now witnessed and in writting. My exDp did the same then came back years later rewrote history and took me to court for contact - it has been horific.

Good luck.

Original poster
JBerry87 · 27/09/2013 22:58

We've only been together for a few months but we've been friends for about a year so it was really soon, but not unexpected.

Im just really confused - he was dead affectionate and calm before and now its like hes a different person. Ive just told him that its his choice whether he stays or goes and now he's saying Im trying to "take his baby away" when last week he didnt want to know.

Think everyones right and I need to get rid - the stress is making me feel physically ill.

OP posts:
Original poster
JBerry87 · 27/09/2013 23:00

Thanks for all the advice and encouragement - feel a bit calmer about it all now.

OP posts:
perfectstorm · 27/09/2013 23:33

Honestly he sounds a bloody nightmare. Hang on in there. Things have a tendency to work out - unlike his head, from the sounds. Confused

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/09/2013 06:16

Congratulations and definitely get this idiot out of your sight. Don't make it his choice... make the choice for him. It's fairly normal for a boyfriend to be shocked to find out he's going to be a father but it's utterly unacceptable to carry on the way he has been doing. Get him out, tell him to think about his behaviour and give yourself chance to think about if you want to raise a child with the man that wanted them dead Hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/09/2013 06:17

BTW... have also been a lone parent from birth (13yo and counting...) and, whilst it's been a challenge at times, I wouldn't swap it.

pumpkinsweetie · 28/09/2013 06:24

Pack his bags, no one should harrass you into something that's your choice.
Go ahead with what YOU want, this is your life, and i'm guessing he will leave regardless of what you choose.
So sorry you are going through this, it seems a lot of women are going through the same on here lately ConfusedSad

These sorts of men need to realise there are consequences to having sex, instead of treating their partner like shit because they cannot step up to the plate.

anon2013 · 28/09/2013 06:27

Most important and lovely time of your life and he behaves like this?. Get rid now and surround yourself with people that love you

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