It's been 8 hours and 47 days...

[eyebrowsfurrowed]

Since you took your love away...

Well, since I walked out and later evicted ExP for taking drugs... again.

He's been behaving impeccably ever since from what I know and been trying as hard as he can to make life easy for DD. (apart from claiming he gets no bonus which makes the financial side of things lower than it should be)

But now I'm having a wobble. It did get really bad between us and I have been alot happier since we split. But now I'm happier I am looking at things a bit differently. I don't know if it's because of loneliness though or if I do actually miss him?

Any advice from people who have been here? Please let me have it.

I realise now that post makes me sound pretty flippant. There were many more instances of taking drugs, not coming back till mid afternoon the next day. Gambling whilst I was crying my eyes out pregnant wondering if we could save enough money, Facebooking a girl from work he's been out with on a works do and violence, twice.

There you are then Mrs, re-read your second post and ask youself, is that all you're worth?

thanks for answering I've been listening to new folk music from the new folk music thread and on the edge of my seat waiting for someone.

My mum always said, and still does, that all men are shit by all accounts. My Dad has treated her like shit on his shoe since before I was born but she too gives as good as she gets but in a passive way that is less easy to pinpoint as a child.

I grew up thinking he was a bastard and still do. But I am so incredibly messed up by their example. Whenever I try to analyse who was at fault I flit back and forth (they're still together btw despite not speaking civilly for years).

What I wonder is if it will be an different with a future partner? Will I find new things that offend me that i'll pick at?

Sorry I should probably pay someone for this...

You are happy now.

Why spoil it?

Don't get fooled by the rose-tinted glasses.

I imagine you are lonely and do miss him - that is completely natural when a relationship breaks down.

This is not a time to be guided by how you feel. This is a time to be guided by facts. The facts are in your second post. You know you are worth better than that.

You have a daughter - keeping her in the same house as a drug user could put you at risk from SS involvement. Cry, bang your fists, listen to Sinead O'Connor all you want. But stay strong. Good luck.

As for future partners, don't be afraid of finding faults.
After going through bad marriages we should really be more demanding, not less.
Why risk it all going pear shaped again?

But don't feel you can't have a relationship.

A good relationship with a good man is possible

Just be selective.

summerbreezer you are right on the mark, my eyes have been bloodshot my fists hurt (by punching pillows doing proofreading late at night to keep up the income and inadvertently breaking my laptop !) and have been listening, but to the prince version

Yes I know it's right we're not together and now I'm realising it wasn't just me who was depressed he was too. But when you're both so stifled by a new relationship a young baby that had colic and finances is it bound to go wrong? Or were was I just holding onto a relationship that would never work?

Funnily enough I saw a councellor for the first time a few months ago citing my reasons as not wanting to mess my DD up in the same way my parents had me...

Its natural to have your doubts, believe me it is, despite my ex having stabbed me, strangled me and done god knows what to me whilst unconscious for five long years, I still doubted my decision to leave, for almost a year there was the what if's and of course the promise it was the cocaine that had caused all the violence, that he had stopped taking it, that it would never happen again, what I will say, is that its nearly two years since we split and tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary and though it makes me sad to think earlier this year I got my divorce and this is our first year no longer married, my life is much easier, happier and better. I am getting counselling for my relationships with men among other things and feel much more stable since having done so. I miss my night time hugs that I will say but despite that I know I am better off. He was never home until stupid o clock and wouldn't come to bed anyway cos he was too high to sleep. reality is that though you loved that person when you fell in love with them, that person is no longer there anymore, they have changed and whether or not they will return cant be sure. I still love the man that I married 8 years ago, and a part of me will always continue to do so, but he changed beyond what I could recognise, and now I know I am better off alone than I ever was with him. It is sad, but it does get easier. (((hugs)))

Thank you for sharing. That's a long time to endure such horrific circumstances. Well done for getting out and staying strong!

In the lone parents board they told me to grieve the loss of the relationship I thought I would have rather than feeling that I had lost the perfect partner, because he wasn't.

And that's right. He was by no means right for me.

Addictions are the saddest thing in the world. I just find it hard to set a standard when in the past i've dabbled with drugs (at University) and I like a drink (but never when DDs around and am always in bed by 12).