If any of you have read my other threads you'll know i left my abusive ex fiance at the very start of August (this the second time I've left, but i've left for good this time..cut all ties and am two counties away and trying to start a new life)
In the past..whenever I've had breakups from serious relationships, I've had long periods alone (usually about 3 yrs after each.. which i feel in some cases, has been too long alone) However I feel different this time. I don't have the heartache that i've had from previous relationships, and I feel that this ex has cost me enough years..and i'm not getting younger (with the other breakups, i very much felt i still had so much ahead of me, and had much to get over). I guess.. i would consider breaking the mould, I don't want years on my own again. It's not like i have to 'get over' my ex, as i don't have feelings for him. But, I'm not actively looking for anyone, nor would i ever consider dating sites. Plus i'm extremely happy in my own company...i would want to be with someone out of 'want', not 'need'. I've spent enough time over the years alone (inc travelling) to know i'm fine like that..but at this stage in my life..i know i'd be happier sharing, with the right person (not just anyone!). So should that person present themselves..i'd give them a chance. (and i know i'll get flak for that) Next week i have two sort of dates with old male friends, but these are people i've known forever. One i know is interested, but the other..he's getting over heartache, and he's more like brother to me, I don't feel about him in that way..it's just nice to have a laugh and a night out. I'd like to give the first one a chance (with him, it's not like 'going out'..he's coming to see me and we may go out to visit somewhere, but it's not like date 'date'). As i said..both these guys are old friends of mine.. (the first one is more 'friendly acquaintance' i guess..but friend of close friends) and so it takes pressure or expectations of any potential dating scenario..although the first guy..we've kind of started seeing each other in a new light, and perhaps got our hopes up a little...
Only two weeks after I left my ex, i made the mistake of getting involved ( v briefly) with someone else. I was absolutely not looking, it just happened. I was in a very different place to where i am now (even though obviously it wasnt long ago), and obviously still in shock over leaving. My ex kicked up and got rid of this guy by doing something nasty. I realise now it was a big mistake and 'too soon' and this guy wasn't right for me (especially as he let me ex 'win', and ran a mile).
Is there anything really wrong with me giving someone new a chance? Wouldnt it be silly to say no, if i did meet someone i clicked with, if they really liked me too? And i don't want to base it on the failure of my very brief fling, which was bad timing and means so little to me now.
I just keep feeling..life is too short. I've spent enough years being single / celibate after breakups.
Of course i've known people to go from one relationship to the next, often without success. but i'm not one of those people that can't be alone. I also have friends who are with the absolute loves of their lives, even though there was often no gap between their partner and their ex. So it goes both ways. I mean, if the person appears.. i don't really want them to 'come back later' and risk them being snapped up by someone else!
It's not like i'm looking for 'permission' as such.. i may not meet anyone suitable. But if it goes well with the acquaintance guy.. wouldnt i be crazy to not take it further? I'm free, he's free, i don't have heartbreak to get over, he's been single for ages. Neither of us have baggage or much past (eg no kids, financial probs, heartbreak..unlike exs of mine) I fell out of love with ex about two years ago, anyway. I do see a counseller weekly , i was talking about the abuse but i talk more about the present now and about rebuilding my life.
So... i guess i'm going to get a mixed bag of opinions here?
I also am very much 'life is too short' and live in the moment. I had a massive kick up the bum this summer when a friend died suddenly, who was my age (42). I feel very much, live each day to the full now. especially as i'm free from my controlling,manipulative ex. It's changed my whole philosophy...why would i want to spend years being single just because i'd had a breakup (which has been traumatic but not from a heartbreak angle..more upheaval type trauma, and getting over abuse of an alcoholic) when i could be really happy with someone new, if they did appear.