I don't know what to do anymore.
Dh and iwill be married for five years on Saturday.
We have been together eigh. Have two dcs one and four. Youngest in bed with us, oldest often comes in. Sleep not great. Financial and job pressures galore.
He is off work at the moment and I am at the end of a long week commuting leaving before eight and getting back a six.
Dh managed Really well only calling on MIL three times as opposed to every single day. He knows I value her help but that if he is the SAHD it's his job to do childcare. I'd I am out I don't want them raised by granny if he is available as she misses a lot and has different ways to us. Ok for short spells and like I say I do appreciate it.
Basically he was doing well, house ok, some bits brilliant, kids great, food cooked etc.
But this was my sons first week at school all day and I wasn't there to pck him up which gutted me.
Dh mas been making all these little comments like he knows best. When he was working I did sometimes 24 hrs on my own and baths, dinner, bed etc ex. I never made him feel left out or guilty.
So tonight after another comment that he 'understand' dh1 implying I don't I just go him in the kitchen and calmly requested he could realise my week has not Been easy and excluding me is very painful please not to do it.
He got angry and dismissive telling me he was busy and why wasnt I? I had just put ds1 to bed and needed a five min bath as back hurting. I have disc lesion. He had sat after dinner for best part of an hr.
I said that he never stops, looks me in the eye, allows me to voice concern. He says that all I do is complain and say hateful things. Am slightly deaf and I couldn't hear him from two rooms away which he can't do either. I come to him if he can't hear me, he ignores me if I can't hear him.
Then he said just leave me alone and that he doesn't want to communicate with me. He says this whilst texting someone from the iPad which he didn't take his eyes from whilst we spoke.
I feel a my wits end. I know he does a good job but so do i! If he tells me something s it is information. If I tell him something it is complaining. If he goes out its because he needs to destress. If I do it's selfish. He will be going out the entire day of our anniversary and I have booked a film and his mother for the evening. He asked me if it was okay and I was so dumbstruck I said yes. If I had booked something on our anniversary I would have been made to feel like the worst wife. I've arranged to see my mom for the day which will be nice but even that he says can't you manag on your own even though he pent entire Monday with his n min hasn't seen kids all week.
When we were just dating he made lots of effort to be romantic. Now we are slogging away he never spontaneously hugs or kisses me. He says people change, he is too tired etc but he is not to tired to obsessively exercise or play on the iPad.
I really, really miss the way it used to be. I try to be nice no change, I try saying nothing no change. I try broaching it calmly I am complaining.. If I seem even mildly angry I have an anger problem. If I get very angry I'm mental.
Nothing I do or say is good enough. I feel like a complete failure. The course I am doing Is to get bette employment. I don't want to be away I miss kids. I wanted to be a SAHM until they were both a school but I earn three times what he does so that's not an option. I just feel damned if I do and damned if I don't.
He seems so unhappy too, always grumbling and dissatisfied. Never pays me compliments anymore. Never mind the occasional bunch of flowers or passionate embrace.
We still have sex which is one area of our relationship tha has survived thankfully but I don't undertand why he doesn't look me in the eye, kiss, hug etc.
I have had the LTB comments so unhelpful I'm looking for ways to cope. He may be on some autistic spectrum or emotionally abusive. I am no picnic either. I just feel very lonely.