Surrogate baby's for men

[Yougotbale]

Not sure what topic area to place this thread in. I suppose it brings up questions about the relationship between a single dad and a surrogate baby. I have a friend that is not currently in a relationship and not wanting one. He is really ready for children, both financially and mentally (age 35). He would be very happy to have children now before he gets too old(his personal opinion). If it was an option he would take a surrogate pregnancy.
Really, I was just wondering whether people thought surrogate babies should be legally available to singles? To men? Or to women? Or both?
Do you think it compared to woman having artificial insemination (not sure what the medical term is, sorry if that is straight off the farm) or whether surrogacy should be treated very differently?
In theory I don't see anything wrong with both single men and women having babies this way, although we only discussed it yesterday.
What do you think?

sorry that is long - hopefully not wrong (but don't rely on me either!)

^Sorry I thought kittens and puppies are surrogate babies ?

That's what most people do isn't it, if they can have one more?^

No it's not. How horribly offensive. I used to have a beloved cat, who was lovely, but a cat is so unlike a human being in almost every possible way that...actually, I don't even know why I'm writing this, you know it

It isn't as easy as that to register as a foster parent or adopt. Adoption agencies do not really like to accept single people - it isn't impossible to adopt but even as a single woman you are faced with much difficulty and tend to be matched with older, more difficult children. Fostering is not an option for those of us who work - which single people have to.

The good news is that this attitude to singles has really changed in the last few years (my agency was always very open, but now most of them are) :) I know quite a lot of singlies, who have been able to adopt under 2's without serious needs, and haven't found the process harder than two parent families. Now know some single dads too, some agencies would welcome a single dad with open arms, they don't get enough of them. Although, obviously as adoption is totally different to surrogacy, i would never suggest it in place of surrogacy.

As a single mum, who chose single motherhood aged 28 by starting the adoption process, I'm afraid I don't buy into the idea that every relatively young person should wait and see whether Mr/Mrs Right comes along. If you really want a partner/marriage in life, then waiting might very well be the right course of action. If, like me, either you don't have that need in life or kids are just far far more important than a partner to you, then waiting might not be right, and being a single parent might be. It's just super important to think really really carefully about what you want in life, what kind of a person you are, about your personality/character, how you would feel if x,y,z happened, what are the most important things to you etc, as well as how ready you are in terms of finance, job, etc.

Anyway, my answer to OP's question was I don't have any moral problem with men using a surrogate to have a baby, or single fatherhood by choice. However I'm concerned about coercion and serious ethical problems with surrogacy arrangements in certain countries. The subject of foreign surrogacy arrangments has been argued ad nauseum on other thread though

ps. Completely agree that he needs specialist legal advice. These people may be able to advise him as to what his legal positition would actually be

He should adopt. Much better than using a woman's for his own selfish desires

Twinklestein I find it depressing that you assue it's a man's place to go out and earn money and the woman's place by defaut to be home looking after the child.
To the point where you say about a single father "but who will look after it?"
Do you say that about single mothers?

Why is it selfish to want a child?

It's selfish to use a woman's body just to get what he wants. Woman are not for renting

Thants is that how you feel about surrogacy in general?

SPB yes I do. I don't agree with surrogacy for anyone.

I give blood, I don't see that as some sort of transaction involving my bodily parts but as something I can do to help others. Surrogacy is the same.

How would you feel if you couldn't carry a child and if someone was willing to carry one for you? That isn't renting a body - what a horrible phrase, almost likening surrogacy to prostitution.

thanks Thants. An extreme view but 'm pleaaed you're consistent :)

Women in India who live in poverty are coerced into surrogacy for rich westerners. I don't see that as very different to prostitution. It is a privileged person taking advantage of a disadvantaged persons body for their own gain

What abt western surrogates

Well, quite. You do know not all surrogates, or even most, come from impoverished countries?

Even in western countries the same thing happens rich taking advantage of the poor and using their bodies.
I don't think women and babies should be commodities.

SPBisResisting I don't, I don't know where you got that idea from.

Was your first post not "who will look after it?"

Do you worry about that for single mothers?

In the op it states the friend doesn't want a relationship so why shouldnt he have children on his own.

He can have children. Adopt! Maybe have a child with a women who wants a child and share custody

Well yeah.

It's very very tough. Many people who end up as single parents don't intend to be at the outset.

And women who go the artificial insemination route generally have childcare planned in advance, with mothers, sisters, friends on board, to support them.

I see no moral issue with a single man being a father but am stumped by the need for that child to be his biologically. Why not adopt? No, he won't get a "cute little puppy baby but how many people realise how short that time is anyway. Adopting a older child could be hugely rewarding for him if he is, as he says, emotionally and financially ready to be a parent.

"We pay people for services in most other aspects of life and I do not see surrogacy as being different in that respect."

I see it being very different.

I don't see human bodies as being available to be sold as "services". I am against prostitution and the sale of blood or organs for that reason.

If people won't be surrogates out of the good of their hearts, that's because most women don't want to give up their body for nine months to create a baby to give away to someone else.

Exploiting the poor and vulnerable by offering money for the "service" is not ethically sound.