How do you know it is them and not you?

[Threeandjustme]

My husband left in July.
He has always been odd and I made allowances.
He sits on the fence about every thing.
Undiagnosed ASD, depression, paranoid episodes.
I was never to be critical in anyway. E.g. wiping the table after he had washed up was criticising.
He contradicts himself. Out and out lies but seems to believe he is not lying.
Blames me for all problems. Before me he had another scape goat.
Oh for hind sight.
He has never taken responsibility for anything. It is never his fault.
I can be sarcastic but tried not to be as it upset him terribly and due to hormonal disorder did have mood swings but used to warn him so he knew it was not personal.
He seems to have rewritten our history. I feel like I am going mad.
He accuses me of saying and doing things but will not give examples.
I "should know"
I have had a lucky escape but find my self looking back for the deliberate psychological cruelty I have been accused of.

It's impossible for anyone else to know who it is that's in the wrong. Only you will know and can know. He would probably write a similar thread opening post about you.
You just have to trust yourself. It sound like you are happier now, focus on the future

It might be helpful, in this situation, to reflect back on some scenarios and ask yourself how they appeared to him/how he felt during the transaction. Do the same for the occasions that you felt put-out or misunderstood. If, no matter which way up to the light you hold it, you can't understand why he reacted in the way he did, it's more likely him - especially as, contrary to yougotbales' comment, he's unlikely to be agonising over his part in the break-up, from what you say. On the other hand, if there were ways in which a different response from you might have steered a scenario differently (not in a 'be a doormat and suck it up' way), that could be a growth point for you.

Unless this is a "reverse" thread, it sounds very much like him and not you

Some people are blamers. Anyone who tends to accept no responsibility for anything is one of these types of people.

Thanks for all your thoughts.
I was supposed to be a doormat as he "paid for everything".
I am sure I did cause offence at times as he has me but he says he hates me to the point of wishing me ill.
I have apparently made his life a misery for the whole of our 10 year marriage.
How could I not notice that?

Nevermind you not noticing, how come HE didn't? Sounds like he's rewriting history

My ex dw was like this. Apparently I emotionally abused her the entire marriage.

I still get horrible emails. I am so lucky to be out of it. She always had someone to blame. It was horrible. Just think how lucky you now are to be out of it.

X

You know what? It doesn't really matter!
He sounds hard work to live with and you tied yourself in knots trying to keep him happy.
Now you can stop and look after yourself and work out what you want. Good luck! Look forward not back

You didn't notice it because you were too preoccupied making allowances for all his real or imaginary problem. Undiagnosed mental health problems or just a nasty piece of work using MH as a big fat excuse to behave like a shit? I'm guessing the latter. You thought you were dealing with a reasonable person when you weren't.... he still isn't.

Keep well away from this person, drop contact and prevent them from drip-drip-dripping their poison into your ears