Communication and constantly feeling ignored

[BillyGoatintheBuff]

I'm at the end of my tether with life at the moment. I'm feeling very emotional and a bit low to be honest. I just do not know what to do anymore :( communication between me and my dh is just so crap. I feel like I try lots of different ways to say things to him but it all ends up being ignored. I try saying things casually in passing, or directly but with a smile and trying to keep the tone 'light', I lose my temper and scream and shout and cry and I am just completely lost now. I honestly do not know how to communicate with him anymore. This is getting me down. I am always trying to tell him how ignored I feel and how miserable I feel most of the time.

Any advice? I would love to be able to talk in a way that gets me listened to.

A lot of people save their best effort for work, where they are trying to impress a manager, get a raise, or the corner cubicle or whatever. At home they sit around in their underwear like Homer Simpson and simply do not put in any effort at all. They are on autopilot and stuck in habits they learned in their original families.

I agree there has to be a stick as well as possibly a carrot in order to make change happen for this sort of person. For the unhappy spouse whose H takes her for granted and seems to be still living the life of a teenage boy, how about not doing any cooking or laundry for him? Not picking up any laundry that gets dropped on the floor, running errands, etc? Just cook for yourself and the children. Do only your own laundry and only shop for supplies you need. Let the dry cleaning sit unclaimed or not brought to the dry cleaners. For a while anyone trying to make this change is going to feel even more like Mother than they did before...

www.aane.org/about_asperger_syndrome/living_asperger_syndrome_partners.html

www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Asperger_syndrome_and_adults

otoh some of the material in the links ^^ seems to echo a few things you have said OP, and I still wonder about Aspergers.

And the ultimate threat absolutely has to be real or you will end up feeling even more that you are living at the bottom of a well. If things have progressed to the point of no return then don't wait around.

Oh guys sorry about not replying for a couple of days! It was so lovely to come back here and see some more replies for me to read over.

One poster has hit the BLOODY nail on the head and I nodded along with it all the way through and that felt fab, actually I did that for a couple of the posts. Wonderful. It feels good just to share and to be 'heard' thanks for that very much!

Thank you 2kidsonepairofhands and ihearthuckabees, and everyone really.

rootypig sorry to hear you are feeling upset and unloved/unheard out in LA.

We had a bit of a heart to heart last night, I was a sobbing mess. DH wants to be more communicative but it's like he needs a manual! He really does try sometimes. But he gets confused and is in full on 'small talk' mode without realising I need a bit more in depth conversation sometimes. I do (just as someone else admitted) need someone to pat me on the back and say 'you're doing great well done', I think I'd love to hear that from my mum (depressingly) but that will never happen.

DH does loads around the flat and 'helps out' a lot - or rather he does his fair share (I hate thinking of it as helping out as it's his family too). And it's not his changing schedule that upsets me its that it just 'happens' without a little discussion about it. I do a lot of out loud thinking and don't get any feed back, I suppose I need to tell him thats how I work and that I need it!

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.