This might be a long post, sorry.
One of my relatives is about 60. I've barely seen him since I was a child because the rest of my family cut themselves off from him because they were scared of him. He bears grudges, would take things the wrong way/get the wrong end of the stick, and then would take his 'revenge' .... he has been physically very violent to an old lady, broken windows, left dead animals on peoples' doorsteps repeatedly for months, and started a fire. My family hardly ever mentions him, I almost never think of him, but it's just struck me...
In the next ten-fifteen years he's going to be getting on a bit, and going to start needing a bit more help. He has no children, and there aren't a lot of us in my family in my generation - so it should probably be up to me to make sure he's ok, shouldn't it? I live about four hours away, so it's not like I can drop in on him casually, but it's just dawned on me that in the future if he needs help then I might be the only option.
I think he has learning difficulties. He has never been officially diagnosed with anything as his parents refused to admit there was anything 'wrong' with him (although apparently they took him to someone at one point but it was apparently 'too late', whatever that means). I hope learning difficulties is the right term - I barely know him, but his whole life people have conned him and scammed him out of money, and he has only ever had very basic manual jobs, and I know this sounds awful, but when you talk to him you can tell there is something different about him. He has never had a friend or a relationship, and he gets very frustrated with people. He also had a really awful horrible childhood with lots of abuse of different kinds. I think he has had a pretty miserable life overall.
So to sum up: I am very wary of him. I feel desperately sorry for him. At the moment he lives with a very elderly family member, but when they pass on he will have nobody at all who looks out for his welfare. In the past, although he used to live independently he would get himself into awful living situations. He needs someone keeping an eye on him. But I barely know him and you can't just introduce yourself to someone and politely ask if you can eg check their house is live-able and that they're not overpaying their taxes can you?
I feel like it would be easier for him to access official support if he had some kind of diagnosis, but how do you say to someone that you want a doctor to find a label for them as you think they're not normal? I don't mean that nastily, but that's how it's going to come across isn't it?
Has anyone been in a similar situation, or have any advice? Should I start trying to build a relationship with him now so I can gradually look out for him when the elderly family member passes on? Does it sound like he could get a keyworker or something (no idea what the right term is) from the council to look out for him?