DH suffers from depression. He also stuggles with his sleep. When he is depressed he is hideous to live with. Negative, angry, hateful, short tempered, shouty, full of self doubt etc. Truely awful. When he was suffering one of these episodes a couple of months ago, he had been drinking and came home and told me he was worried he was developing feelings for someone else. She is married (and 8 years younger than him and who he pointed out in the past is very pretty - seen picture and beg to differ tbh!). This is the person who I warned him to be careful with a few months ago. They are work colleagues but there were alot of non-work emails/text messages. To be fair, he did cut down on the messages/emails, as he could see why it could be misconstrued. I read the emails and if I were sending emails like that, I would be aiming for something more than friends IYSWIM. DH is in a professional position and I can see why she would be impressed with his status (I realise that makes me sound like a snob, but I don't mean it that way).
At the same time he told me about his worries about developing feelings for someone else, he was also questioning what love actually means. (not sure whether I should be pleased he was honest in telling me about things, rather than acting on his potential future feelings) At this point, apart from being furious, I really just wanted to delve into why he was feeling like this. We sat and had a talk and he told me he is in constant conflict with his work, i.e. when he earns decent money, he feels guilty for doing this, but without the money we couldn't have the lifestyle we have etc. etc. I think he feels a bit trapped and is worried about getting older. I do think there is an element of mid life crisis happening too.
I didn't really know what to do as we have one dc and we have been trying for another. To be honest, he is not the best dad in the world, can be snappy and overreact to things, but, he is not abusive by any means. I think he struggles with people's perception of him and wants everything to run smoothly and is embarrassed if our toddler kicks off in public (I, on the other hand, am imune to this now!). I think he is constantly striving for perfection and struggles when things are not going right, where as I am a glass half full type of person and try and see the positives in situations.
After the last couple of months, I have put in less effort as I feel betrayed and angry and downright pissed off that he thinks so little of our family. Part of me (a very big part) wants to tell him to p*ss off if he doesn't want to be part of our lives, and we will be better off without him. He's not supportive in many ways, other than financially (I realise that sound coldhearted, but he works extremely long hours and very hard, and he only seems to get validation from his work, which is where he puts in the effort, which is partly why i take care of things at home so he is able to do that).
We did have a chat the other day and he said he didn't know why he said the things he did as he doesn't have feelings for anyone else and loves me and dc to bits. He said he felt absolutely terrible at the time, and wondered if he just wanted to hurt me. He also said he wants to make it work. He now tells me when he gets an email/text from her. He is not able to totally cut contact due to work (and I am okay with that I think). I, on the other hand, am flipping from wanting it to work, to wanting to get out and start a new life with my children. I think the problem at the minute is I am pregnant and hormonal and I don't want to make a rash decision that is going to have an affect for the rest of mine and my childrens lives.
I am a strong person and am not concerned about being able to cope on my own, but I am concerned whether I am in the right frame of mind, to make such a momentus decision.
Well done if anyone has got to here 