Am I mad ?

[Leogirl73]

I don't know what's wrong with me ! I went out with a friend on fri night (just gone ) she single early 30 s I'm married just 40 , we had a great night laughing joking dancing etc etc , she started talking to a guy in the bar , I was sat on my own when a guy come over to me chatting away , he was full of charm or s@£t whatever you choose to call it , next thing he's kissing me ! I won't see him again as he lives miles away but I can't stop thinking about him , I feel so confused I'm acting like a teenager !

Something clearly not right in your marriage if all it takes is a complete stranger to approach you and kiss you and you allow him to? You're not seeing him again cos he lives miles away - so not cos you're married no lol?

I think you're right jan45 , I feel so ashamed of myself ! I've never done anything like this in 20 years of knowing my husband , married for 14 of the 20 years , I wouldn't have seen him again anyway even of he'd have lived close by ,I worded that wrong in my previous post ! My husband has not been the best husband to me good in a lot of ways but we have had bad times where he has treated me badly , he has cheated on me , and I know kissing someone isn't love affair of the century but I always had this stupid feeling of I will get him back one day , and I just couldn't . The guilt I feel over this stupid kiss is driving me mad ! I say I've forgiven him for what he done to me but I've never really got over it xx

Not mad but I think something drastic has happened to your self-esteem that you're snogging strangers in bars...

Oh dear, I think for 'not been the best husband' I'm reading... 'total shit of a husband that has crushed your self-esteem'. Like all women who think they have to forgive horrible men just because they got married to them, all that happens is you end up hating yourself.

I can see why you feel guilty but that's just anger turned inwards. It should be turned outwards... on your husband.

You're right , he did do a good job of smashing my self esteem and self worth into bits ! He is 16 years my senior and has hurt me so much in the past , constant lies and them telling me there's nothing going on its just a friend all kinds of rubbish ! I do believe he s faithfully now I think he's too old for all that now haha , I've got to get my act together and stop acting like a pathetic excuse of a woman , and realise two wrongs don't make a right and avoid the vodka on nights out ! Feel such a fool !

Don't beat yourself up too much, you've had your reasons, your OH has already damaged your marriage beyond repair so don't feel too bad about one kiss. When the trust is broken you can't ever fix it again I'm afraid.

Yes thanks jan45 , you're right trust is very hard to re build , it is never the same again xx

I know two wrongs don't make a right but why not end the really big wrong here i.e the marriage? You're only 40. Is he what you want to spend the rest of your life with?

I was kinda thinking the same when you mentioned the age gap.

I suppose I'm a bit scared of moving on x