it just hit me: abandonment.

[superstarheartbreaker]

Dds 'dad' left us when I got pregnant as he wanted me to have an aabortion and I refused.he was very abusive about it and tried pressure tactics- the works. Anyway he buggered off abroad and cant get bk to the uk which he regrets but im very happy about!
I went to see my best mates new baby and hes so lovely but her bloke us being s dick. It just brought back all the pain of being dumped when pregant.
I got really upset when we were talking about our mum friendsand their lovely partners . I am happy for them but sad for me i guess. After a severely abusive relationship in my early twenties i have struggled to establish a living partnership. I am going for therapy sion which will help but i do feel unlovable, abandoned and lonely at times.
I have a few dates lined up but i will always feel sad that i was not loved and supported during pregnancy. ir at any other time.
Am i really such an unattractive shit person? Some have said that i am needy but is it any blood ywonder when i have had to be srong for so long and actually I just want to be taken care of! Rant over! .

I also had a relationship when dd was 2 and he abandoned me when my mum died. Where is the stickability? I would also like to mention that both dds dad and the looser stated in this post came crawling back when the pressure wasboff. So when dd was born then came the omg shes so amazing comments! When mum died back he came with the I love yous. Too fucking late!!!

"i have had to be srong for so long and actually I just want to be taken care of! "

I think any lone parent feels like that from time to time. However, if you're too desperately looking for this knight on a white horse, too willing to hand yourself over to someone else's care, then it's going to cloud your judgement, you risk lowering your standards and you might make more poor choices as a result. Carry on being strong, have high standards about who you include in your life and, if you meet another 'dick', kick them out at the first hint of anything rather than waiting to be abandoned.

BTW.... re your 'mum friends and their lovely partners'. You've only to read a few threads here to realise that some outwardly 'lovely partners' are nothing of the kind in private. For all you know, these people are looking at you with envy thinking.. 'how lovely to have all that space and independence rather than some horrible partner ruining her life'

Thanks Cogito; you have been a real tower of strength for me of late!