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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?!

24 replies

crank · 23/09/2013 21:04

I am a bloody strong, independent woman, I am involved in feminism and I have used 'fuck the fuck off' at least once.

SO why am I being such a twat with this bloke?! We met about 3/4 months ago as we work in the same building (not the same company though) and have been occasionally going out every couple of weeks or so, texting everyday/every other day. On Thursday we had our first date at his and DTD but since then he's been off. Like he's finally got what he wanted and is now fucking off.
There has been the odd comment or question over the time we've been talking that has surprised me and I know if it was a mate going through this I'd be telling her to get out or back off, but I can't. I am just so attracted to him!

I'm not making twat of myself with him just behind the scenes. I can't get him out of my head and I know I'm boring the ears off of my work mates. Grin

So what do I do? How do I get myself back to normal. It was only a shag, and an average one at that. Help me to find and keep my self respect again!!

OP posts:
Original poster
crank · 23/09/2013 21:08

I've named changed by the way..

OP posts:
Diagonally · 23/09/2013 21:16

Well he must have got you with some sort of hook. What is it?

If you can work it out you can probably switch it off.

Original poster
crank · 23/09/2013 21:30

Well he is gorgeous. Really 'phwoar' gorgeous Grin and quite intelligent I suppose..
Who knew I was so superficial?!

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 23/09/2013 21:35

Just keep repeating to yourself - it was an average shag!

Roshbegosh · 23/09/2013 21:38

You have to be cool. Or act cool. What do you want from him, if anything? Could it ever lead to anything or would another couple of shags suffice? If you find your self thinking about him or worse, speaking about him, STOP. Just STOP.

Original poster
crank · 23/09/2013 21:48

I was acting cool until today when it suddenly felt like he was ignoring me. Then I became 15 again. I was still relatively cool but not on a level I'm comfortable with.

It was an average shag. It was an average shag...

I suppose he is exciting and was/is very interested in me. He's a couple of years younger than me, which seems like nothing but I'm only 25 and I have a 2yo DS which I feel ages me by about 10 years.

I think I will have to have another shag. Just to be sure Grin

Thank you for your replies by the way, despite laughing about it, it is a genuine concern of mine that I will come across and needy!

OP posts:
Original poster
crank · 23/09/2013 21:50

I'm not really sure what I want from him. He is a breath of fresh air but I'm not sure he is long term material. I was with exP for 4 years before this (we broke up in march) so I'm not necessarily looking for anything.

OP posts:
Roshbegosh · 23/09/2013 22:07

Just keep an eye on yourself and recognise if you need to check in to a lunatic asylum. Good luck and I hope you can enjoy this and walk away feeling hot, hot, hot.

MadBusLady · 23/09/2013 23:26

Can you identify anything that is even slightly less than appealing about him physically? Bad item of clothing, slightly stupid expression when drunk. Anything. Find it and fixate on it. Just to dial down your level of attraction a bit.

CailinDana · 24/09/2013 07:06

What was your ds's dad like?

AgathaHannigan · 24/09/2013 07:10

Haha... There is nothing like that feeling, which I'd say embrace was it not for the 'comments'. What sort of things did he say that made you check yourself?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/09/2013 07:23

What's wrong with you is that a) he's in close proximity and b) he's being distant (and I would put that down to immaturity). So you've got the perfect set-up for unrequited mooning. I'd find yourself a man rather than a boy

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 15:12

He described my (simple IMO) life as complicated, which I assume applies to DS - having a child, who is nothing to do with you isn't complicated as far as I'm concerned.
I like to sew and he takes the piss a lot (not always banter) thinks it's boring.
Also, he asked a belter of a question after DTD - dead seriously - how did I find his size GrinGrin and he asked that BEFORE asking me how it was for me. Hmm
Literally if he wasn't so fit I'd have left this alone!
I think you're all right, I need to find something physically that puts me off..
I might need to see him naked again though to conduct this experiment. Grin

DS's dad is a lovely guy, very sweet but quite suffocating and we ended up just being mates with a child. A bit sad actually. We've got a good relationship now though.

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 15:12

HA! Name change fail Confused I'm Crank btw...

MadBusLady · 24/09/2013 15:17

What a silly ass! What did you say? I wouldn't be quick-thinking enough on the spot but now I'll be prepared if I ever get that question to say "Oh, I fished around and found it eventually."

CogitoErgoSometimes · 24/09/2013 15:20

Oh dear... a vain, immature tosser. Wanted a penis appraisal pre-sex? How up himself! Hmm I don't think much of him making fun of your hobby either. Didn't you want to introduce him to the pinking shears pointy-end first? He may be good-looking but that's clearly where it starts and finishes. Like I say, ditch this boy and get a real man

Jan45 · 24/09/2013 16:47

If he's drop dead gorgeous he won't feel the need to try in bed very hard lol, maybe that's why it was average?

And as for putting you down for having a child, that's just a complete no no, that'd be enough to make me show him the door, never mind him asking about his size, honestly, take off the rose tinted specs, he sounds a right idiot.

LookingThroughTheFog · 24/09/2013 16:52

& he asked a belter of a question after DTD - dead seriously - how did I find his size^

'I've seen bigger... EGOS I mean, bigger egos. But I have to admit, it's hard to remember when...'

Grin

Seriously, this man has no class at all. None.

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 18:27

You've all helped so much thank you!
I think I was flattered by the attention and hoped he would be as hot in bed as he is generally. I'm definitely feeling more in control, but then I've not seen or heard from him for a couple of days. I KNOW he's a dick but I needed some saneishpeople to point it out to me Grin
I'll probably see him on Thursday so I'll let you all know how it goes.

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 18:27

**general

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 18:28

Oh arse cross through fail too..

Norem · 24/09/2013 18:52

The best looking man I ever dated was distinctly unexciting in the sack, just saying :)

MadBusLady · 24/09/2013 18:56

Look at it another way, it's a good thing he isn't as hot in bed as he is generally! Would you even want x years of lacklustre sex just because it came with something nice to look at?

throughgrittedteeth · 24/09/2013 23:26

"Sorry I've not been in touch, I've been so tired lately. I might be free over the weekend though?"

Poor lamb, if only I knew what being tired was HmmGrin

Anyway I haven't replied and now I'm going to bed! Thank you, you brilliant bunch of vipers!

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