i think i am just genuinely shit at relationships

[Fairylea]

I'm so tired. And angry.

I've had a truly awful week.

My alcoholic arse of a mother, who I have effectively cut out but can't completely as I am her only child and we have no other family at all, basically fell over when drunk and caused herself multiple broken bones. She is early 60s and normally works, she's a functioning alcoholic. I have essentially picked up the pieces, again, and done her shopping for her, done everything for her despite having two children, one of which is 15 months. And I cannot bring the dc to her house as she has 3 unruly dogs who she refuses to lock away from the baby.

I have multiple health problems including a harmless but closely monitored brain tumour. Oh yes. I was called by the doctors this week becausemy bloods show I am now also severely anaemic and something is not showing right. They wanted me to go into see them that day but I had the kids and dh couldn't get time off work so I am going to gps tomorrow. I am so so exhausted and worn out.

Dh does help but he works very long hours, we absolutely need the money. To top it off he has health anxiety despite being fine and I am trying tobe sympathetic as I realise it's a phobia and he cant help it but honestly if he says one more time he thinks he is going to have a heart attack when he has acid reflux I think I am going to scream. Maybe I have less sympathy because of my own problems. I'm horrible. Well I feel I am being horrible.

This is my third marriage. I am fed up with my life. I just feel so exhausted and have no energy for the communication and effort required in relationships. Does anyone else with chronic health conditions feel like this?

I put everything into my children and I get through day by day but it's a hamster wheel. Dh won't get help with his health anxiety. Mum won't admit she drinks too much. Obviously I can't leave the kids with her. Dhs family are not in contact either, long story.

I just needed to let that out. Even if it is to a bunch of strangers on the internet. :(

Thanks. Hugs for another "me".

God I just want to run away and be a hermit. Somewhere with a sofa and a tv and a bed.. that would do me.

Does it? I'd like to try..

At the moment every day consists of trying to survive until bedtime and then getting up and doing it all again. I'm not even depressed about it, just so bored of it all.

I'd like to feel well, if that's possible. I don't know.

I keep looking at courses, open university, language courses, something anything. I don't know. But I'm too worn out to even open a book really. It's all crap.

Maybe I'm even having some fucked up mid life crisis.

It's not being 'crap at relationships' causing the problem, though it does sound like you have some difficult people in your life.

If you are anaemic then that makes you feel totally knackered. And being invited to come in to the GP surgery the same day... don't want to alarm you and add to your troubles but you really need to get down there as soon as you can.

Go tomorrow.

Thank you, I do realise the urgency.. been in the system long enough to know they only ask you to come in when there's a real problem. Gulp. Hence my lack of sympathy towards dh. I am definitely going tomorrow.

I have always suffered with anaemia. One time I had to have daily iron injections it was that bad. I don't tolerate iron tablets at all. So it's injections or transfusions.

My ferratin level was 16 though which isn't the lowest it's been so perhaps something else is wrong too. Who knows.

Dh and I have had some awful moody rows this week. We've ended up a bit overdrawn with one thing and another and it's frustrated us both and we dont seem to be able to agree how to sort it out. There should be enough money coming in to not go over. I'm watching every penny at aldi and etc etc but we just don't seem to get a grip of it. It's frustrating. We keep snapping at each other.

Post back on here when you've been to the doc. x