STBXH and my work ...

[StackOverflow]

I separated from STBXH a few months ago. One of several reasons for this was that he was excessively clingy and kept on demanding more and more attention, love, sex, ... etc. from me.

He has not really accepted that I'm not coming back and still clings to me a lot (e.g. wanting to do things together as friends all the time etc.). He keeps on telling me I'll come back and he'll fight until I do. He's also been in a shit job ever since we moved here last year. I've been supporting him financially even though we're separated.

Now STBXH is telling me that he won't need my help anymore because he's found a great new job. WITH MY COMPANY!

Now my company is quite big and we are unlikely to work together on a daily basis. Still, I feel completely claustrophobic about this. It's not as though he has made any effort to apply to any other firm, just mine. I have a strong inkling that the only reason he made an effort this time is me.

I told him I had very mixed feelings about this. Now he's saying that I'm pissing on his parade, that I should be happy that he's found a great position, that I'm being irrational and spiteful. And I feel obediently guilty.

Am I out of line?

Tell him that's,grea, and what a coincidence, you also have a new job. In Guatemala (assuming that you aren't in Guatemala.)

lol like Earthworms idea!

But I agree, this does sound 'stalkerish'. Be very careful and really hurry along your divorce.

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

Yes, I know his behaviour is slightly 'stalkerish' - it's why I'm so freaked out by it.

I've emailed him today, detailing the kind of contact I'm willing to have with him. Seeing my line manager tomorrow. I intend to discuss my options with him first and then contact HR if necessary. As silly as it sounds, I am somewhat sorry for STBXH (his career has not been going great of late).

... and I have absolutely no intention of letting him spoil a job I love for me!

This just all sounds very wrong to me OP. but I'm sure you know that, which is why u posted in the first place!

I'm pleased to see you've sent the email and I hope u get on ok with HR.

He's not letting go, is he...? Goodness only knows what he'll be like when you start a new relationship. Although that could be part of STBXH motive, work nearby so he can keep an eye on you.
Have an excuse to socialise with u at work do's
Show to everyone how lovely he is so that u start to get comments around, u must've been mad to let him go...etc

All little things that he thinks will chip away at you until in the end you and he get back together. He may have already made up the story in his head.

Try and keep your distance OP. try and detach a bit more if you can.

Sorry not HR your LM !!

Just a thought but I do wonder whether the STBXH mentioned to Stack (OP) that he'd advised at the interview that he didn't know anyone so she would 'keep quiet' and not let on (obviously wouldn't work but if he's 'deluded' enough he might be convinced this would work). Probably not the case (I'm no expert).

Otherwise I agree, very strange and Stack is doing the right thing by emailing him and discussing with her Line Manager.

I agree with others that he may be stalking. But it might actually be a good thing for him to see you with other people, show him that you have a life and have colleagues who respect you. If he is a stalker this will shatter whatever misguided ideal he has of you.

It might help him as well to shake him out of his self-pity and get on with life.

Try not to get too defensive as that will give him the excuse to push harder. Do be careful though, he soum

*sounds scary.

Who have you emailed about contact you are fine with with regards to your STBXH? Your manager or your ex?

I would mention he lied as clearly he knows you unless he was hoping to start a wonderful work romance as if you didn't know each other via other colleagues (but surely they know you and he were married so it makes no sense.)