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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How to know if he likes you

23 replies

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 15:02

Hello I've named changed... Last year I went through a messy seperation when I found out my husband had been cheating on me. Recently I felt ready to date so I've been seeing someone for about a month now. He's a lovely guy and we get on really well. We speak or text everyday but I've been out of the dating game for that long I'm not sure if he likes me or not. We see each other once a week but I have no idea what the norm is?? I know we've only been speaking for a short time but I'm obviously wary given what's happened in the past.. Can someone tell me what they would expect this early on ... Thanks x

OP posts:

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:06

Can't help you. My method is totally fuck things up then, having done so, realise that he actually really liked me.

'Seeing him' once a week, don't want to be prurient but are you sleeping with him? You can't really get good advice unless you give a bit more detail.

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:07

Oh and good for you getting back out there after getting rid of your cheating dick of a husband. x

Original poster

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 15:08

Thanks for your reply.. No we aren't sleeping together . Just meeting up for food and a chatx

OP posts:

weddingballs · 22/09/2013 15:10

How many weeks have you been seeing him once a week for? In my experience men who have been really interested in me have wanted to see me as often as possible.

Original poster

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 15:12

Wedding balls.. Thanks for the reply. We've seen each other once a week since we started chatting. He's got a busy job as have I but I thought the same.. X

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 15:13

Please be more selfish about this. Concentrate less on whether he likes you or not and think more about whether the relationship is meeting your needs. If, after as long as a month, someone hasn't successfully managed to convince you that they like you, I'd have personally thought it was a bit of a damp squib...

weddingballs · 22/09/2013 15:13

Sorry missed the month bit! So you've seen each other 4 times? Is there chemistry? Are you kissing lots? Do you want to sleep with other?

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:16

Cog is right. Speaking as someone who always gets it wrong I can spot some good advice. In relationships I spend my whole time thinking about what the other person thinks and it's not healthy.

How much do you like him? You said he's a lovely guy but it doesn't sound like fireworks.

Original poster

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 15:17

Wedding balls.. When we are together there is lots if kissing and chemistry and we get on really well. The only thing that worries me is that we don't see each other more.. Not sure if I'm being paranoid x

OP posts:

Original poster

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 15:18

I fucked up again... I like him a lot!! I'm just scared about getting hurt and taken for a mug again that's all x

OP posts:

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:25

I'm just scared about getting hurt and taken for a mug again that's all

I feel your pain. I've just managed to drive someone away, hence my name for today. I said upthread my modus operandi - drive someone away then realise he liked me. I've got such cripplingly low self esteem that I'm terrified of being mistreated and it fucks things up.

This isn't about me however, or my thread. I just tell you this because it's a schoolgirl error you must try to avoid. It's very difficult not to feel and act needy if you are that way inclined.

You don't say how you met. If it was on a dating site then maybe you could have a conversation about whether either of you is still on there, how you would feel if the other were or something.

What's his situation? Is he separated/divorced/single/got kids?

To be honest if I went on 4 dates with someone and there was kissing and chemistry I'd completely stop fancying him if he didn't try really hard to get in my knickers expect them to take things a bit further, a bit quicker.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 15:26

If you want something more full on either step up the pace or move onto someone more animated. Post a nasty break-up dating is an opportunity to get in the driving seat and be in control, rather than (as you've found to the cost) being the passenger that is told to get out and walk....

meditrina · 22/09/2013 15:30

At this stage, a man who likes you will: ring when he says he will do; come up with nice, though not necessarily earth-shatteringly 'wow' things to do; not hold back on ordinary details of his life; turn up on time; display good manners to you and all those around you (waitresses etc); be adequately groomed; pull his weight in conversation; show an interest in you eg remembering things you've said and talking about things that interest you. He should also be inching towards greater physical intimacy.

No-nos are: keeping you waiting at an RV more than once (exceptional circumstances; not calling when he says he will; only talking about his interests; being unkempt when there is no reason (eg just come from the stables perfumed with horse OK, wearing tatty clothes and smelling rank for no reason, not ok); evading ordinary questions about his life; rudeness to you or others, even when dressed up as a 'joke'.

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:33

meditrina the guy you describe in the first paragraph I'd think: player.

That's bad, isn't it?

Agree with all the no-nos though but I would probably make excuses for the wanker

ifuckedupagain · 22/09/2013 15:34

smelling rank for no reason

MissDD1971 · 22/09/2013 15:37

A man you've only been seeing for a month I don't think you can judge just yet how its going.

Me personally I'd want to see more than once a week.

Has he mentioned you meeting his mates/night out with them? That's often when they tell you stuff (the mates) like "he really likes you, is really into you" and its what he's telling them, from the horse's mouth.

Does he make plans like ask "do you want to see XXX film with me when its out?' or is he very vague. He may not be a planner though. This stage he needs to be texting/emailing/ringing/seeing you ASAP imo.

ChanelTunel · 22/09/2013 15:39

A man should treat you as you'd expect a friend to treat you,if he likes you.

MissDD1971 · 22/09/2013 15:40

PS - also (depends on you too though) I'd sort of expect there to be some move towards sex if only to find out if you're compatible in that area or not.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 15:43

The OP wants something more. That's all that matters here. I'm sure he's a perfectly nice man but if he's too casual and laid back and the OP wants fireworks, it's a problem.

meditrina · 22/09/2013 15:56

Player is bad. But what about the qualities I listed makes you think 'player' rather than nice? And what does a nice, interested guy do other than that?

Dahlen · 22/09/2013 16:26

Maybe it's just my perspective that's a bit out, but once-a-week dates with someone you've only known for a month sounds pretty keen to me! Most people I know wouldn't be able to manage more than that. I don't the frequency of dates is anything to suggest he's not keen.

If you're kissing and the chemistry is good, it's also pretty clear he's interested. It's not as though you're sat there wondering if he fancies you or if he just wants friendship.

What you mean is that you want more of a declaration. And that's fine, but many people would be wary about making it at that point for fear of appearing too pushy/desperate. A month is a really short space of time.

If you feel brave enough, why not just tell him how you feel and ask him if you feel the same? You don't have to bare your soul or risk humiliation. You just say, "I think this is going really well and I'd really like to get to know you a bit more. What do you think?"

gettingeasiernow · 22/09/2013 16:56

Me and DH started like this, in fact carried on like this for three whole months. He now says the slow progress towards the bedroom was due to a) waiting for a sign from me that I fancied him; b) waiting to really get to know me because he didn't want to make another mistake and end up disappointed with someone's character. I think we loved each other from first sight though. We are a bit older, have enjoyed life to the max (ahem!), and have kids that we didn't want to expose a passing ship in the night to. So I would say be patient, concentrate on getting to know him, one day you may look back on it and think how unusual, precious and romantic it was. There is no set way for relationships to start.

Original poster

Jane19792009 · 22/09/2013 17:40

Thank u for all of your replies xx

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