Let's talk about previous longterm relationships/marriages (either your own or partners)

[Cluelessandlost]

I have had only one longterm relationship, whereas partner has had a previous marriage and a kid. I trust him a 100% round her bug do get jealous that he had his first with her, had hard times together and good, were both young and were first loves. I know he's over her and loves me.

So, to put my feelings into perspective would you all tell me about your previous long term relationships. Did you end amicably? Do you wish you'd stayed together? Do you lo email your current partner more tan your first love? Etc.... And, also if you're in the same position as me, how did you combat these feelings of jealousy (if you had any) and how did you accept that there was another he /she once loved, and the firsts were with them and not you (having kids etc...)?

Grrrr, I meant "do you love your current partner more than your first love"?

You don't want to hear mine. :) He'd had a few previous long-term girlfriends and I was satisfied that he only loved me (we married after all) but on the rare occasions he referred to one particular in conversation I never felt happy about it. Dismissed it as irrational jealousy on my part but guess who he eventually left me for?.... ker-ching!

I only regret the end of one past long-term relationship but not enough to keep in touch.

I met my xh when I was 16. Married at 18. I had no taste in men, and do not remember him fondly.

When we were newly split up and he was being a selfish arse, I used to day dream about how much easier it would be to be a widow ...

Two previous LTRs. First one (XH) lasted 7 years in total. It was a reasonably amicable split and he was a nice guy. We lost touch over the years because after divorce he emigrated and there was nothing to keep the bond there (no DC or anything).

Second relationship, not married but cohabiting for most of it, also 7 years. He was the father of my DC. Ended badly (abuse). We have occasional contact because of the DC, but may go months without seeing or hearing from each other, which is exactly how I like it (although a part of me wishes he wanted to be more involved with the DC).

Current relationship is still early days, though I would say I feel the happiest and most strongly about this relationship than either of the other two. Possibly because for the first time in my life I've managed to combine what I only had either/or of in the others (first relationship was very much intellectual based, sex was something of an afterthought), second relationship was pretty much all sex based, and when that fell through and we had DC, it became very transparent that we had nothing really. Current relationship combines a great mental connection, fabulous sex and very compatible personality types.

The thing is though, everyone is different. It's possible for absolutely lovely people to have a great relationship but circumstances change, people change and things can fall apart. It doesn't serve anyone well to rewrite the past and make the relationship inadequate, the previous partner 'wrong' or the love 'less', but none of that alters the fact that the relationship ended. The past is the past and belongs there. It can be learned from but it is pointless to compare it to the present.

IF, OTOH, a partner is constantly referring to a past relationship and comparing a current one to it, that may well suggest that he/she isn't ready for this current one.

I've all but forgotten about 1st love TBH.

My first love was when I was 18, so just a young, inexperienced little thing! I'm only mid twenties now but so much has changed and I'm so different that it all seems so distant & like it happened to someone I knew rather than myself IYSWIM. I don't remember it fondly because I can hardly remember it at all

STBXH was first love. Together from 17 until I was 37. We had two dcs.

I was unhappy for twenty years. DCs only good thing to come out of the whole experience. Can honestly say I have no happy memories of our relationship. I was intensely irritated, disappointed and resentful for two decades and it made me ill.

Now I'm with new dp and I literally wake up smiling in the night because I can't believe how happy I am! I had no idea life could be like this.

I had two serious relationship before DH.

The first of those was my first love (got together when I was 19). I loved him, but never saw us being together forever. He was totally besotted by me and I broke his heart.

The other was a rebound after that relationship ended. He was needy and clingy and I only really stayed with him because I felt so guilty about how much I had hurt the only man I had loved to that point. It sort of felt like I deserved to be with someone who didn't make me happy.

DH was different. I didn't really like or fancy him at first, but we became friends and then I gradually fell for him. Even before we got together I knew that if I ever got to go out with him I would never want us to end.

I think he might feel a bit jealous of my first love, but not really. He's not a jealous person by nature.

He had 3 serious girlfriends before me. He didn't live with any of them, even though he was with one of them for 5 years. I don't feel jealous of them either. What we have together is really special, I don't think he felt anything close to that with anyone else.