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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So why would YOU send a postcard to you ex at his home address after 20 years?

18 replies

Johnniebgood · 22/09/2013 08:31

Apparently they haven't seen each other for years. DH thinks she got our address form a mutual friend that DH met up with about a year ago.
Could be just one of those things.
But it's bit odd isn't it?

I wouldn't send a postcard to my old boyfriends chatting away about how I''d climbed Mt Kilimanjaro or whatever.

Need perspective please!

OP posts:

MacNCheese · 22/09/2013 08:33

Maybe is a 'look at how great my life is' card? Are they both on Facebook?

Original poster

Johnniebgood · 22/09/2013 08:36

No - no sign of her there.
It's just so out of the blue - which means also it could be totally random

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 22/09/2013 08:38

Wants to resume contact and thought a postcard would be nicely one-removed?

CoolaSchmoola · 22/09/2013 08:40

Maybe they had both said they'd climb it one day at some point during their relationship, and it was quite a big thing between them and this is her saying ta-daaaaa, after all that talk I did it!!!

A postcard is just a way of imparting brief news, I'd see it as her updating on something that was important once, rather than anything subversive.

MacNCheese · 22/09/2013 08:41

I wouldn't worry. If you trust him and he doesn't have form for lying I'd be inclined to think she's just a bit weird.

CoolaSchmoola · 22/09/2013 08:42

Or she said she'd do it and he said 'yeah right!' jokingly or otherwise and this is a 'told you so!' also jokingly or otherwise.

VerySmallSqueak · 22/09/2013 08:50

I would imagine she still regrets losing him and has recently split up from a relationship and is taking a long shot in contacting him to see if he is single and interested tbh. Nothing more sinister than that.No doubt that'll be the end of it as he's not single.

For goodness sake talk to your dh about it,listen to what he has to say,and believe him.

There'as a reason they split up,a reason why he's with you,and no need for ancient jealousies.

mammadiggingdeep · 22/09/2013 08:55

More to the point....who still sends postcards at all?!

I think it sounds pretty innocent, totally random but innocent. She might still hold a flame for him but shouldn't think any more than that by what you've said

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2013 09:02

I send postcards. But not to old flames.

It is a bit odd but not very threatening. I mean, if I wanted to reignite the inner desire of an old bf I can think of sexier ways of doing it than sending a picture of Clacton seafront or whatever

I think I'd just shrug and move on tbh

Original poster

Johnniebgood · 22/09/2013 09:02

We have talked and it does seem random .
I also thought 'Who spends money on a postcard and stamps from a foreign country? '( and makes a note of his address to take it abroad in order to send it in the first place)
It seems a lot of effort just to show off.

I do believe DH...just wanted to check my 'Is this odd' sense radar here

OP posts:

MacNCheese · 22/09/2013 09:07

It is odd, but I see no evidence that its him that being odd just her. Can you ask around about her? Do you have friends in common?

stantonherzlinger · 22/09/2013 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

VerySmallSqueak · 22/09/2013 09:10

It is odd,as such.

Just be careful dh doesn't get all sex god on you over the next few days.

Just saying that because I know it would inflate my ego. Sad but true.

I would be flattered but no more.
Turn the tables and imagine what you would do in his shoes.

Zilch.
See? Nothing to worry about!

7to25 · 22/09/2013 09:33

A postcard- very old school if not old lady, but also very public and above board. Anyone can read it. This is good.

Nerfmother · 22/09/2013 09:36

I have an ex with whom I shared areal love of books and writing : if I got a book deal, I might drop him a message on Facebook or something? Maybe.

itwasarubythatshewore · 22/09/2013 09:43

I wouldn't give it a second thought, honestly.

People often think of someone from long time ago randomly and have an impulse to say hello, see how life has worked out for them or whatever. It really does not automatically imply that she is having romantic thoughts about him, or regrets or misses him or any of those things.

And it may have been zero effort whatsoever. She may have bought 10 postcards and stamps, rather than one for him, and then as she was writing them decided to send him one. She also may not have made a note of his address and taken him with her. All my contacts and emails are stored in Gmail, take about 0.25 second to locate and available everywhere in the world.

Who knows why she thought about contacting him? Does it matter? Really, it's not worth analysing or wondering about.

Original poster

Johnniebgood · 22/09/2013 13:40

Cheers y'all.
Bloody good advice as ever !

OP posts:

missbopeep · 22/09/2013 14:21

If it was in an envelope just for him to read- hmm. That would be dodgy.
Open card so anyone can read- no issue. Unless she is really savvy and knows that is what you will assume so it's a kind of bluff- 'I am trying to fan old flames but don't want it to look obvious.'

The issue is not that she sent the card- she could equally have turned up stark naked on your doorstep under a fur coat - ta-da!

It's what he chooses to do about either than matters.

Flip