Abusive relationship. Please advise.

[GeorgianMumto5]

A friend of a friend is in an abusive relationship. Her partner bullies her, withholds food and money from her and generally an EA twat. They have a young child together.

My friend is extremely concerned for her friend and the child. (This 'friend of a friend' thing is not a mask for me - the friend has approached me for advice and I know so little.) Someone suggested she approach social services, regarding the child, but she is afraid of the effect this may have on her friend.

Obviously her friend needs to get out and get rid, but she is unable to see that for herself at the moment (probably due to the EA). However, there is a child and the child is at risk, so waiting for the friend to accept that she needs out may not be the safest option.

What would you advise her to do? I don't know what to suggest. I am angry with the abuser, but geographically distant and unable to help directly.

From my friend says, I do not believe the child is at immediate risk, but she will increasingly become so if nothing is done.

If there's a child involved, it makes it easier to report. NSPCC, social services, the police.. whoever is appropriate. The child may not be at immediate risk of physical harm but if food is being withheld, money withheld and their mother is being mistreated then there is bound to be psychological harm. Report for the child and get mum on the radar.

You simply cannot tell from the outside whether the child is at risk or not, because not even her mother knows what her partner is capable of.
If the mother challenges her partner at any point, or threatens to leave, he may take it out on the child.

With any child protection issue it's better to err on the side of caution & report. Social services can make the decision of the degree of risk to the child at closer quarters.

I don't see how withholding money & food cannot affect the child...

Totally understand that your friend is in a really tricky position but she really does need to contact ss or the health visitor as her friend really needs some support with this. I would imagine that after the recent events that services are being quite proactive at the moment so nows the time to act. It's really horrid and no one wants to be the person to make 'that' call but it really is only out of concern and will be in the families best interest

Thank you. I will pass this on.