Long time lurker here, hoping someone can give me some advice. I'll try to be concise.
I have been with dp for 18mo now. We have known each other for 10 years though. When we first got together, I just knew he adored me. I knew he wanted me, thought I was gorgeous etc. Several things have happened though and it has caused me to doubt the sincerity of his opinion of me.
Firstly I discovered he lied to me regarding an attractive female on Facebook. Nothing happened, nothing flirty was said etc. But he lied to me and made me feel insecure etc. I have body image problems and this just exacerbated them. I then discovered by accident he had watched live cam girls. I told him this was cheating in my book and wouldn't be tolerated. He hasn't done it since. I told him how it made me feel ugly and inadequate etc and he was sorry etc. I just can't stop thinking about it though. It ruins my libido, I don't want to be naked in front of him. I look nothing like those girls. My body has been ravaged by 2 babies and rapid weight loss/gain. Why would he find me attractive when he obviously likes skinny sluts with big (non saggy) boobs. I think about it and it kills any excitement for me. How can I stop thinking about it. How can I go back to naively thinking he found me attractive? Logically I know he does find me attractive, its kind of obvious. Yet my brain says no to it, makes me picture him getting off on girls who are so much more than me. I just want to make it go away.
Sorry for any typo's, on my phone. Thanks for reading.