A couple of threads recently have brought up lots of feelings for me about issues from my past, and I wonder if I could get your views on how to deal with this. It feels a bit selfish to ask when there are people on here with present issues but I think I could really benefit from your wisdom!
Basically I have had two EA relationships in the past and still feel huge amounts of anger and bitterness. I am only now starting to realise that the earlier one was EA, though my good friend has always maintained this. I read a post just now about a DP who has been getting the OP to pay most of the mortgage for his house leaving her short, and thought oh God, I did this for years! I left him eventually and had nothing to show for the payments I had made on his house; he told me that I would have had to pay rent if I was living somewhere else. Nearly all mutual friends stopped talking to me when we split and years later someone told me that he had said I hopit him when we were together! I was so furious I never spoke to her again either, because she had believed that gobshite.
And then I got together with someone else, also quite a bit older, who was worse. He cheated on me repeatedly, the first time when my dad died, he said that he found my bereavement really hard for him so needed to find support elsewhere. Embarrassingly I stayed with him and put up with constant criticism, shouting, demanding and controlling behaviour. I didn't even have a key to the house. Eventually he cheated again - his best friend from school days died and he went to 'comfort' his girlfriend and yes, shagged her. I checked his phone regularly so I found out. Even in my flattened state I recognised the lowness of this and eventually ended it. That wasn't the end of his cockishness but you have the general picture of the man.
This is a few years ago now, and I am happily married to a lovely man and have amazing DCs. I have a responsible job and a lovely home. But I feel massive anger when I think about what I put up with in the past, mainly directed at myself for being so incredibly stupid and weak and taking that shit. He'll, I only just realised that the first one financially abused me, reading your comments on another thread! What's wrong with me to have such crappy self esteem?
Basically I'm asking whether anyone else has been through EA relationships and how you move forward? Can you forgive yourself for taking crap and put it behind you? Sorry if this sounds self indulgent, feel free to tell me to count my blessings and get a fucking grip.