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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I have emotionally checked out of my marriage but I can't make the physical break

1 reply

namechanger1million · 19/09/2013 21:02

I am pretty much sure my marriage is dead in the water. DH has been physically and emotionally abusive. I have given it 12 months since his last assault but it us clear that I am no longer invested or have any respect for our marriage. I can see its a charade, I am not happy and emotionally I just feel angry and distant from dh.

The problem us that even though emotionally I have broken the link and know my marriage is over I am struck by inertia about actually physically dismantling my family. I am partly held back by changing the dc's living arrangements which is strange as I know they are not happy living with 2 adults who obviously dislike each other. Our house is on the market so I tell myself once it has sold we'll split the capital and run but I also know logically it makes little sense. I could go now and rent and await the sale. Has anyone else had experience of this? Dh has picked up on my unhappiness but I'm not sure he fully comprehends that in my head our marriage is finished. Partly this because he does not fundamentally trust or respect my point of view but I probably haven't fully disclosed the extent of my shut down. Its a mess.

OP posts:
Handywoman · 19/09/2013 21:32

You sound like you see your situation for what it is. However, please do not underestimate the effect on your children – you and your DH are the template for their own future relationships. Nobody can tell you whether or when to go, perhaps you are not ready yet, and that's ok, or perhaps it all just seems so overwhelming? In which case please take some legal advice and arm yourself with information. This in itself would be a positive step forwards. If you think that leaving would trigger an escalation in the abuse then please cal Women's Aid and keep yourself safe.

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