Marriage counselling - especially Relate - any use ?

[Justconfused]

Following on from my 'D'Hs affair earlier this year we decided to try marriage counselling. Well it was a complete disaster - I did not get on with the counsellor at all - I found her very unsympathetic to be honest and quite intrusive. I know that she had been trained by Relate - I saw another thread that Relate wasn?t so great ? So not sure what to do now - do we try again with someone else or should we see counsellors separately ? I also saw on her bookshelf lots of books by / on Freud ... and I sensed that she wanted to look into my husband?s childhood to account for his infidelity ( maybe excuse it ?!) Thoughts from anyone would be really appreciated - I am circa six months in post discovery and am still feeling really raw about it

The usual advice is for your husband to have some counselling on his own to find out why he did what he did - and for you to have some counselling on your own to help you with the feelings of betrayal and to work out why you're trying to save a relationship with someone who's hurt you so badly. I too have heard that Relate are piss poor at this, so you'd be better googling the professional body (BACP?) and talking to a few in your area to vet their qualifications, training and experience in this field. Obv your husband should be doing that for him too. They are no doubt cheaper than Relate but are probably better qualified and more experienced.