more than 10years difference, what are the ups and downs?

[Letsadmitit]

Not wanting to sound shallow, but I really would like to hear opinions, from those who have big age gaps with their partners ( I know I have my own opinions but with no experience I really don't know what to think..)

I met a very nice man recently, to be honest he looks about 3 years older than me, but after going out for a few weeks, we got talking about age and he is more than 10 years older than me (i'm no spring chicken, either I have to say).

I know that it may work (or not) , but if you have been there... What have been the ups and downs in the long term?

15 years here. Perfect relationship especially compared to both our 1st marriages. Only regret is that we will stop at 1 child as he feels he is too old for any more.

23 years between us, I'm in my 20's he in his 40's, been together 6 years, 2nd child on the way. It's not really bothered us more other people, he wasn't ready for kids till now but we do hear a lot of people saying he is too old too have children, like others have said you can die at any time! The music thing I relate too, sometimes I don't have a clue who he is on about, and my parents have more idea but this works for us! Xxx

Thank you all, I have been smiling at reading your posts.

I have always being perhaps too mature for my own sake and he says he has always looked younger than he is. It may be that I am the one who starts creaking first!

As some of you mention, experience brings understanding and he seems to be a pretty sympathetic bloke. In terms of roles expectations, I doubt he would be expecting me to do all the cooking as we both are already aware that we couldn't boil an egg if we tried, but it has been refreshing to go out with someone who doesn't allow me to pay anything because on his view I am already spending enough by paying for babysitting (admitely, he has offered to pay for that as well but I have declined, I am however grateful for him noticing and the offer)

My partner is 10 years younger than me. We met when I was 31 and him 21! It's a long story but we have been together for 11 years now, married for 6. We have 3 children in primary school. The plus side is that no one really notices our age gap or ever discusses it with us. We talk about it sometimes but its how you get on as people, not your age that matters.

The main negative is that we don't have any shared childhood memories, for example, I grew up with Bagpuss and Bod, while he watched Pob and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! He obviously can't remember big events like Diana's wedding, the 1987 hurricane or bad 80's fashion so sometimes it can be hard to relate IYSWIM.

His friends though all his own age and apart from one of them, I don't know any very well so we don't socialise together much like house parties or drinks. But we are so busy with the children and work that it's not a huge issue.

I was much more mature than him when we first met then but over the years and I've watched him change and grow into a successful manager while I've changed by becoming a mother so we have moved forward together. We are a team and our age gap is now just a base for endless jokes about getting old, sex, death and his crappy obsession when I met him with the late 90's grunge scene!

If you are happy with this man, go for it!

Been with my DP for five years and there is a 31 year age gap between us. I'm twenty three, he's fifty four. We are engaged and living together, planning to get married and start a family in the next couple of years. He's divorced (nowt to do with me, we met two years after his separation) and has two kids.

Disadvantages:
•His family still haven't cone to terms with our relationship.
• We had to put up with a lot of crap in the first year.

Advantages:
• He's definitely young at heart, I'm quite mature but still daft as a brush - we've got a good balance between us.
• We have a very strong emotional and intellectual bond, as well as physical.
• He's not possessive or shallow like most of my previous partners.
• He was strong enough to support me during my struggle with BPD and university.
• My family bloody love him, thank Cthulhu!
• We have a large group of mutual friends who are fiercely supportive and protective of our relationship. They're from all ages groups and backgrounds but we all get on really well.

All in all, it's been a hard slog to where we are now but definitely worth it. Wouldn't change my DP for the world, even with his snoring and odd socks

If it feels right, go for it. Best wishes to you both OP!

We have 12 years between us, been together for 10. Met at 19 (me) and 31 (he looked younger, I was very surprised. Now my biggest fear is he's barely aged and I'm nearing 30 and... looking it :( ).

The age difference has never been an issue. We met both wanting a house/children within 3-5 years, which worked out neatly (me young and beginning career, him established.) We travelled, did the nights out and the hangovers, now the kids. It works really well.

If you're similar people the age will never really come up. If one of you loves partying and the other doesn't, or one changes and the other doesn't, that kind of thing will create an issue but it's not necessarily the age, just personality.