Help me please

[pookyandponky]

Hi, I'm new here but I know lots of you have wise words to offer.
I left my husband 5 months ago after 15 years together, 10 of them married. We have two girls 5 & 8.
I'd just got to the point where I had nothing left to give. I work full time. Did all the cleaning, cooking, washing, shopping, organising school stuff, clubs, finances and most of the DIY.
He complained if I went to the gym, out etc.
TV was all on his terms. He shouted at the girls if they weren't perfectly behaved.
I'd found ladies dressing up clothes under our bed.
5 months on things are messy. I have very little money. Seem to spend much of my time crying. I've got AD's from the doctor and they are helping.
I've got support from friends.
But I just feel like I'm never going to come out the otherside of this. That things won't get on an even keel. I won't enjoy my girls growing up because I'm miserable. I'm scared I'll not be found attractive and I'm not going to enjoy the rest of my life.
Please give me some words of wisdom

This is a massive huge enormous change to your life and any change like this brings massive emotions, and in the early days (which you are in) these will be fear and doubt.

You will be frightened about your future, doubting your decision. And this is often followed by a period of feeling low. So what you describe is completely normal in the change process.

And it is key to know, this will not last forever. It is really important that you remind yourself why you left, and start thinking of things you would like to achieve in your future, small things - e.g. taking a college course, changing jobs, dying your hair. Anything that tickles your fancy. It is a conscious effort not to get 'stuck' at the low point, and so planning new things/small things is key.

You will do it. You have done the hardest bit.

pooky keep reading your OP and reminding yourself how far you've come. You have made a strong and correct decision: well done.

X

Agreeing with the above, it's still very early days and you've experienced a traumatic and life-changing sequence of events. It takes time to find your feet and settle into a new groove. It's a difficult adjustment, even though you know you've done the right thing, and it's not something you can rush. It really does get better but it's a slow process.

I'm glad you have the support of friends because it's important to be sociable and to grab every opportunity to find the joy in your new life... even if there are difficulties like not having much money. Is there anything you could do about the money situation incidentally?

And finally... after exiting a bad marriage, don't set too much store in being 'attractive' to someone new. I know it can feel lonely when you're used to being a couple and I know it's a big pressure to be the sole earner in the household but spend some time building your confidence and appreciating your strengths before thinking about including someone new in your life. Otherwise, you can end up making bad decisions.

Good luck