Need help on how to deal with dp

[Lovecookies]

I'm currently 29 weeks pregnant and I have my blood test in a couple days. I've been thinking I'm probably anaemic for last couple weeks and my dentist this morning said I was showing signs of it when she looked at my tongue. So I get home and tell dp and told me to get blood test today or tomorrow morning instead. So I ring the surgery which they told me they can't fit me in any sooner, and I figure an extra day won't make much difference. At this point my dp then accuses me of not being forceful enough and I should tell them it's urgent and ring back and demand to see a doctor instead. I try to reason that there are no appointments available and if he's that bothered he can try. So he does making a bit of an idiot of himself with the receptionist and asking her if it's urgent for me to get treatment, obviously she told him there's no appointments available and she's not able to know if it's urgent or not. So off the phone he's telling me to be forceful with them tomorrow to see a doctor to demand some iron tablets straight away without having the blood test (although he's insisting the doctor will do one there and then and get the results in a matter of minutes) and as he had tried to do something and I haven't if anything goes wrong I can't blame him and basically it'll all be my fault. He's got me on a big guilt trip now really stressing me out and he's got me in tears practically hyperventilating as he keeps going on how it's my fault for making him worry and I should just have kept my mouth shut and not tell him what the dentist said. I mean in 48 hrs the blood test will be done but he's demanding i get it in the next 24 hrs. I just can't do anything right, how does everyone else deal with someone like this? X

For a start please don't get stressed and tearful over his behaviour. Telling you to be forceful and guilt-tripping you to the point where you are so upset is not the action of a caring person it's the action of a bully. Your fault for making him worry??? Can you see how twisted that kind of accusation is?

Please stand up to him or tell him to get out of your sight. He sounds dreadful

call your midwife for advice and act on basis of her profressional advice.

maybe you can take iron tablets anyway, beore the blood test; in meantime eat lots of spinach and red meat.

get some other real life support because if your dp gets this stressed over a blood test how will he be with a newborn? someone needs to tell him to calm down- but best coming from midwife/his family ...

You could always buy an iron supplement like spatone or floradix until you have the blood test.

It's unlikely to be urgent and waiting a couple of days is no problem. Round here it usually takes 4 days for blood tests to be run by the lab (though the blood donation people were able to tell me straightaway when I went to donate once, so maybe that's why he's thinking it would be quicker).

Sorry - no advice really on how to deal with your dp. He's being an insensitive and aggressive twat. BUt just to reassure you that there'sno need to be forceful with the GP - it's not necessary to be seen now this minute, and when you have a blood test it won't necessarily be a case of results there and then.

Thank you for those replies, the midwives never answer phone as here they just tell you to phone hospital, but I have bought some spatone so will take that in meantime. As for dp he now expects me to just get over being upset, acting like he's not said anything and pretends he's not bothered about it all now and i know if I'm not all lovey with him he will get annoyed and angry with me, it's so exhausting.

" i know if I'm not all lovey with him he will get annoyed and angry with me,"

Sadly, you are describing abusive behaviour. Do not demean yourself being 'all lovey' just to keep him sweet. Your life will only get worse if you do.

It really sounds like you're walking on eggshells with him, lovecookies.

Has he always been like this or is this a new thing - like since you got pregnant. You don't sound very happy?

Midwife here. No, absolutely not an emergency! Have the test as scheduled and get the results in another week or so. In the meantime look at your diet and consider supplements as above.

Important thing to note is that it is NORMAL for your haemoglobin level to drop at this stage of pregnancy. Your blood volume has increased which means the haemoglobin levels are diluted (haemodilution). Your body generally catches up towards the end of your pregnancy. However, a supplement may well help as will good nutrition. Your body is designed for all of this, strangely enough! If your levels are low your GP or me will give you appropriate treatment. Remember that nutrition from food is better than pills. No use eating rubbish and hoping to sort it out with pills(not that I am suggesting you are doing this!)

As for your dp, he sounds either highly controlling or very anxious. Maybe he doesn't really understand either pregnancy or the nhs? Needs to understand that you have this under control and are perfectly capable of arranging your own healthcare, thanks. Keep an eye on this behaviour, though.

Best wishes.

GP or mw. iPad.

I don't deal with people like this. You can't deal with someone who is just determined for reasons for their own to behave like a prick - there isn't a strategy that will work. They've had a lot more practice at being unreasonable than you and will always find a way to keep doing it. Is this typical of his behaviour?

Not much to add here, but don't take anything before the blood test please. It can skew the results. You need to find out if you are anaemic first. Have the blood test and then take spatone after if you want. If you take it before and it masks the results you'll be in a worse position. I suffer with iron and b12 anaemias and I've learnt the hard way about this. Always take a blood test as 'clean' as possible.

Good luck. I hope your DP is just having trouble adjusting to your pregnancy/possible problems.

Matildathecat thank you that is very reassuring, I thought it's not like an emergency but living with i would say a hypochondriac is stressful in pregnancy. Just wish I'd never gone to the dentist now, wouldn't be thinking about it then!

He panics at health things and uses his personality to get want he wants you to do. He's someone who will argue and argue till everyone agrees with him. His family avoid it as they say he'll just back you into a corner. In fact most agree he would make a very good lawyer.

When he is calm I can talk to him on a reasoned level but in the moment it's impossible when he winds himself up and things come to a head before calming down. I try to stay calm but he is so overpowering in arguing I just collapse in tears exhausted.

He does have a tendency to give me all responsiblity to how he is feeling at any given time and therefore puts blame on me if he's not.

You mean .... he's a bully.

Someone with a personality such as you describe is a horrible human being. A good lawyer btw doesn't blame and browbeat a pregnant woman until she's sobbing ... they present arguments. You can't talk to him, you wish you'd never gone to the dentist (?)... what else normal can't you do in your life for fear of this bully blowing up in your face?

Lovecookies

The more you write about him the more uneasy I feel. Your last paragraph is particularly disturbing.

Lots of red flags here re his behaviours. And no, he would also be a crap lawyer. He is refusing point blank to acknowledge anyone else's viewpoint.

I do not think he will improve any once the baby is born, this may well escalate again.

It sounds like his family have just found a way to normalize him behaving like a prick TBH. Saying that a bully would make a good lawyer may or may not be true, but it misses the essential point that they're a bully.

How can his feelings possibly be your responsibility?