Monkeytrouses and Bananaknickers - what do you think ?

[mumsnetfan]

Hi

you both gave me advice on my help me understand thread, but anyone else feel free to offer an opinion.

The guy in question has told me this week how much he missed me when we had to work apart, has told me every day how lovely I look, has attempted flirting which I've rebuffed, has told me how fond he is of me, how happy I make him just by being around, and when I've clearly said this isn't going anywhere, no good will come of it, we are just friends and nothing more, has now told me how he'd told his friend how confused he was, to be told by his friend that he should do what is right and what makes him happy, oh and how he felt jealous when I was having some office banter with someone else !

Are they classic lines or what ??

I am being strong and I'm not getting into with him, haven't replied to texts etc, why is he continuing to pursue me, or am I reading this wrong ?

WTF is going on ?

He is carrying on because you have given you the green signal before.

He thinks you are easy and that if he carries on with the cheap crap flattery you will shag him. Of course he wants to do what is going to make him happy. That is having his unknowing wife and family at home and a cheap shag from work.

He doesn't give a shit about you or he would respect that you are backing off.

Don't be fooled into thinking he wants any more than this. If you think he does tell him to leave his family, get divorced and get himself sorted out before you would consider having a relationship and watch him run a mile.

Also if you are still confused about this you really need to look closer at your own marriage.

Thanks Kathlean, honestly I don't consider myself a cheap shag, as I wouldn't do that !!

I'm not confused by this, I know where I am and I love my family. I just don't understand how a supposedly happily married man can carry on like this.

BTW physically never got beyond a kiss !

Will definitely suggest that he leaves his wife if he wants me ........ I know he will run more than a mile

Sorry I wasn't saying you are a cheap shag just that is probably what he is thinking/hoping for.

I think you over-estimate the male of the species.
Most of them are really very straightforward.
He also probably thinks you are 'playing hard to get' and this is making you even more attractive in his eyes.

Gosh and do you know how pretty I am today ???

FFS !!!! told him to bog off

how long does it take them to get the message that you're not playing hard to get now that you really are no longer interested in going there ?

not responding / ignoring him will get rid of him quicker. right now he's still getting your attention even though you're saying 'no'.

Pinch a line from a film and say...

"Girls with butts like mine do not talk to men with faces like yours..."

That should shut him up

Sounds to me like you might not want him to shut up though? Might some part of you want him to be serious?

Are you married? You mentioned that he is. Sorry to bring you down to earth but I'll bet his wife has no idea of his carry-ons and just put yourself in her shoes for a while. If he can behave like this to his wife, if he can betray someone that he has publicy professed to loving until he dies, what kind of a man does that make him?

If you are single, then I really think you should look for someone who is at least honest and decent - two qualities this man seems to lack. If you are married then you have problems!

I don't want him to be serious, and yes I am married, DH and I had a terrible time for a long time, that culminated in a very very rocky patch earlier this year where we almost split, which is when this "thing" got out of hand.

and I've already thought what type of person he must be to be doing this, and I am convinced he's done it before, he is just to adept at it.

and it has always been me that has said think of your wife, never him, and to be honest I am glad I'm not her, not proud of what I've done, and it has made me appreciate my husband even more.

I would threaten to report him for harrassment if it continues then. He is obviously picking up on your vulnerability and hoping that you'll cave in again. He won't leave you alone unless you get tough with him.

does your husband have any idea about this guy?

No he doesn't, he knows I work with him and that we work closely together but that's it

tbh I would stop the bantering for a while - too close to flirting.

I know how flattering this sort of attention can be if your own relationship is rocky, but you know what a bad idea it is to let anything happen.

Agree he thinks you're still interested because you let him say this stuff to you.

good advice, thanks Guys

Just seen this Mumsnet fan.How is it going now.I do agree with others.I think he knows he is still getting to you for whatever reason and is enjoying seeing it. Can you try just not speaking to him at all.What about dh meeting you for lunch at the office. Put pictures of dh evrywhere.Change your phone number because if dh finds them who knows what will happen.