How did I get so broken by this?

[Shadowatdawn]

I'm a long time lurker here and I hope I don't look like a troll .

I've been with a man for such a short time, just 9 months, but I somehow managed to fall in love with him. I was with my last partner for 8 years and didn't feel anywhere near what I do for this man.

He has a baby and has decided he can't be a weekend dad anymore so they are going to try again.

I feel pathetic even being this broken over this situation, we don't have a marriage or children, or even some huge commitment.

Half of me wants to sleep and never wake up but I know that's not an option I'm going to let myself consider.

You can invest a lot in 9 months, people fail to understand that sometimes. Time is relative, you feel what you feel, time has no bearing on that.

I feel for you hugely, you WILL get past it, you will heal.

9 months is huge. Don't sell yourself short by thinking it isn't!

Be kind to yourself, it will pass.

Thanks, I'm not really sure how I'm going to get through the next few months.

As my old Gran used to so ....this to shall pass.... not belittling your feelings 9 months is a long time, be kind to yourself, do you have friends/family to help support and console you? Get some girly nights organised. What about a holiday? One of the best things I did for my mum after her husband left was I took her away for a week just for some R & R which I would recommend if you can.

You have to find some from somewhere I'm afraid. Feeling sorry for yourself and maybe hoping he'll change his mind and come scuttling back will be the emotional equivalent of watching paint dry... every day will feel like ten. Find the , be indignant that you've been cast in the role of OW to an ex, drink the , blast through the Kleenex... then drop all contact and shift heaven and earth to get yourself out and about, busy every day and a full diary.

Good luck

I broke up with someone about four months ago and it was extremely painful. Some of the things I did that helped were:

• keeping really busy. Say yes to all social stuff.

-taking up a new hobby. Cliched but true. I stared rock climbing and love it now.

• booze, fags, ice cream and Friends (the sit com). Don't feel bad about boozing it up a bit, it helps.
• real life actual friends. Went on a mini break with some pals.

-it sounds extremely odd but I got a few new piercings and told myself that by the time they had healed, so would my heart. Lo and behold I was right and four months later both are fine.

• keep a journal and write about how you are feeling.

What did not help:
-online stalking try and disconect from stuff like Facebook. Download Self Control or Freedom if need be.
-shagging inappropriate men who I didn't really want to shag. It really doesn't work, and will make both parties feel crap.

• too much boozing.

Keep moving forward, it really will pass!!

I have read a lot on various infidelity websites (I know that this wasn't an afffair as such but if there was a hovering ex in the picture the dynamics are similar). From what I have read any break-up of this sort is more painful because it often happens because of outside pressure rather than because the relationship has run it's course.

So sorry x

Some great advice from Oi
But mainly be kind to yourself.
You are in love with this man and he has done this to you.
I know someone who went through something very similar very recently and it was only a few weeks and she was devastated.
But... As with most things - time is a great healer.
You will start to feel better but give yourself time!
Get out and about with your friends.
And most of all, hope for the babies sake that they make a good go of it and are happy as a family. Hard I know!

So sorry OP. I totally understand the heartbreak you are feeling.

No contact and time are the only healer. I agree that keeping busy is good but also some 'just you' time (watching that film you always meant to watch with a glass of wine) helps too. Writing things down also helped me hugely. I invested in lots of self-help/healing books but tbh they didn't reallly work for me.

I promise it will get better - you are going through a grieving process, it hurts but you will come out of the other side x

I was deeply deeply in love with DP by 6 months. I would have been utterly devastated if he had buggered off at that point. Let him go and invest in yourself - alone the lines above. I would advice NO contact at all FB, texts, emails and definitely NO f2f meetings. Don't feed it and the love will wither eventually.