DH, said this last night... not sure what to do about it!

[googlecanthelp]

NameChanger, as DH knows my nickname and I don´t want him to find this.

Ok quick history

DH and I met 10years ago, DH had no bank account and everybank we tried won´t let him have one.

So I took a joint back count (me as primary signature) with DH to get him into the banking world. I also added Dh to my credit cards etc.

Anyway over the course of a few years we got into debt.

Over the last few years I have been clearing it and its nearly all gone.

Anyway DH said last night, during conversation not an argument that he had helped me sort the debt (ie writting letters) but its NOT his debt, as my name is on everything and he´s being a wonderfully nice person by "helping" me write the letters.

Now this really annoyed me, and I said hang on this is as much your debt as mine, you helped accure it (which he did), and his help has been to correct my spelling on a few letters.

But I am still very angry about that comment.

FWIW we don´t have seperate money, we have joint money. We have also been having some problems of late.

I´m not really sure what it is I´m asking, but I´m still very annoyed about this comment and I don´t know if I am being unreasonable.

Anycomments gratefully recieved.

I would say separate bank accounts with a joint one for bills might be the way forward, with a dd into the joint one from both your accounts when paid. Or if you prefer, he dd into your account and bills come from that.

He can sort his own cc and make sure he knows your prudence is not a fall back for his debt.

How about the house? Is it joint in name and in mortgage?

How odd he couldn't get a bank account. Even if they wouldn't give him a cc card as no credit history, a bank account isn't tied to one. Just having a dd on your account for a period of time raises your credit history. I'm sure he could now- why dont you pop into a high street bank and ask the criteria they need. Then go with him and get one opened...

The bank will have to tell you why. Or do a search on experian, which will give you your credit rating for a fee. And change it if its wrong.

So if it is debt it is yours alone but if it is an asset then its shared?

ER no, I dont think so!

Things have changed a lot over the past 10 years. He will absolutely be able to get a basic bank account with a high street bank if nothing else. It may not have bells and whistles but importantly it will be his and his alone. He is being an arse.

we got into debt

I have been clearing it

it's NOT his debt, as my name is on everything

I don't much like the sound of this. It comes across like a threat. Also, I agree with posters who call bullshit on not being able to get a bank account on the grounds of his poor credit. Most people have no credit history when they open their first bank account! I can see they might not give him an overdraft, but surely he'd get an account?

I suspect there is a lot more to this. The husband is financially incompetent and got CCJs or bankruptcy before meeting OP. he lied to her about why he didn't have a bank account and she believed him and took on debt that he promised to pay back/the next magic business idea would pay off in one go/it's only £x a month (I've heard all these before). Surprise surprise he hasn't managed the debt at all and OP has had to, now he's trying to say it's not his problem or responsibility.

OP you need to separate finances immediately. As he has now had ten years of credit history he should be able to get an account. I would also be getting him to take out a loan in his name to clear some of the 'joint' loans or at the very least setting up payment from his account t to repay them.

there is a new law that says everyone can have basic bank account
basically an account plus withdrawal card no overdraft no cheque book, no credit card can set up direct debits and have money paid in

I think the only exception is if guilty of bank fraud or money laundering so even if he could not get one 10 years ago he could now

One of those light bulb moments when a casually aired opinion or passing comment alerts you to how the other person thinks. I'd say this is a useful head's up OP. Even if he backpedals later keep it in mind, there may be other areas where you assume something but he's off at a tangent.

Does this man have any redeeming features?

He sounds nuts

Have you checked his credit rating? I know you say you've checked yours, but you should check it now. At the very least it might point out whether he can open his own bank account now.

At the end of the day if both names are on an account and both have made decisions towards the cause of debt then it is joint debt. He needs to grow up.

Yes he can get an account, it might not have an over draft or even a debit card but he can have an account with a cash card.
Close your joint account, he can't be trusted if he thinks like that. Send him to nationwide and tell him to crack on.

Not wishing to throw a spanner in the works, but from a legal perspective isn't the house now an asset of the marriage? He may well have a claim to a portion of its value if you were ever to split.

legally, if all accounts, card etc are in your name, then the debt would be yours and not his. If you were to divorce at any point, then you could argue the toss then.

I would start trying to build up a credit rating for your H. He needs a mobile contract or a credit card with a low limit and both need to be paid off in full each month. As others have said, he should be able to get a bank account now.

I have clients who have been bankrupt and on IVA's and they can all have basic bank accounts, but are not allowed chequebooks or overdrafts, only a debit/cashpoint card.

Anything in his name, he is legally responsible for. Anything in your name, you are legally responsible for.

If this is ringing alarm bells in your head, then ensure that he cannot run up any debts in your name using second credit cards etc

Context is everything here.

What's his history of money management during your relationship? Any reason to suspect that all may not be quite as it appears about why he couldn't get a bank account?

What is your relationship like generally? Do you share housework equally or does he 'help' with that too?

If this was a careless comment, he won't be be the first person to accidentally offend their partner simply by being thoughtless. It may not mean anything, and can be overcome with a heartfelt apology and time once he's thought about it and got off his defensive high horse.

OTOH, if this is just another example of your being the parent and him the child in your relationship, and now he's made it clear that far from appreciating it, he expects a medal for the little he has done, I can see why you would take umbrage. In that case, I would be safeguarding the finances and making it clear that he either shapes up or goes.

Hi All,

Sorry had to work.

Ok, I´ll try and answer what I can

He was 24 when we got toether
Previous Banking history of being a joint signatury on his mothers account
I checked with experiena etc.

He NOW has a seperate bank account and a good credit history

I´ve cancelled all credit cards in his name
He is not gambling

if this is just another example of your being the parent and him the child in your relationship, and now he's made it clear that far from appreciating it, he expects a medal for the little he has done, THIS

No he doesn´t share cleaning, household, getting up with DD, dealing with DD etc.

No I am not sure at the moment he has many redeeming features.

Yes I protected the house (legally had to as things were very very very rocky at the time)

I´m just not sure if it was a comment said in anger designed to hurt and or it was an actual indication of how he is thinking.

I can´t get my head on straight.

Oh dear. So the money thing is a symptom of a much larger problem. Have you talked to him about it? What does he say?

SEPARATE ACCOUNT IN YOUR NAME ONLY!!!!!! (Sorry to shout!)

Money inequalities are often a symptom of a larger issue. Which is clear from OP's latest post

You say the house is in your name but I always thought that you divide the assets even if its in someone else's name. Just be wary of this if things take a turn for the worse.

He sounds like he would not acknowledge any part of the debt you have accumulated should you split.

Zippey, I made sure the house is safe, got Dh to sign a legal document up at the time of purchase.

CailinDana I have tried to talk him, but as soon as I bring anything up, he either shouts me down, gives a billion reasons why my points are invalid, or agrees with me and then doesn´t actually do anything, or just disagrees with me.

Its like walking trying to talk to a very blushy bull!

ontop of that DD screams and cries if I ever have to leave them together and I´m up to my eyes in work, and I am not in the best of health either.

oldgrandmama I´ve got one which has a little in it should I ever need it in an emergency.

Not trying to bang on about the house, but please do check if you have that right.

I had understood that you can do what you've done to stop his creditors having rights over your assets, but I was told that it wouldn't stop a residence being counted as a marital assets for the purposes of a financial settlement on divorce (i.e. divorce law treats protected residences differently from other aspects of the law).

I really hope I have that wrong though!

CinnabarRed,

I promise the house is safe, should we seperate, I got the best advice avaliable and everything was draw up, signed, notorised etc. We are NOT in the UK so I am NOT sure what the equivilent would be in the Uk.

Just to be clear we WERE in the Uk at the time of the debt

Fair enough - I'm very relieved for you!