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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Argument with my Dad and his Family

7 replies

OneUp · 17/09/2013 22:28

On Mother's Day this year I went down to see my Mum at her partner's house. I ended up not telling the truth about my plans for the day as whenever my Dad finds out I've spent time with her, he often gets angry with me and sulks, waiting for an apology.

Inevitably he found out and has not spoken to me in months. This also means that his side of the family no longer speak to me.

I have some items belonging to a member of his family which I don't need for my child anymore and I messaged them to arrange to give them back. They then asked me to pass the items through my younger sibling who is 7 years old. I don't feel comfortable with this as I don't think it's fair to bring them into other arguments.

What do I do with the clothes & baby equipment now?? I feel like it's cheeky to ask me to pass them on through someone else instead of collecting them themselves. They have only heard my Dad's side of the story and don't know about all the other times my Dad has made it clear that he doesn't want me to see my Mum. The items have never been mentioned until I brought them up so I doubt that they would miss them.

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Hassled · 17/09/2013 22:32

Bloody hell - this is just mad. Of course you should see your mum whenever and wherever you like. What's his issue? Is there some hideous back-story with your mum or is he just a controlling git?

Message them one more time saying collect by whatever date or you'll Ebay/charity shop the baby stuff, and that you're not using a 7 year old to carry baby stuff around.

Wuldric · 17/09/2013 22:37

I'm sorry you are being dragged into taking sides and I'm glad you are seeing your Mum. I agree with Hassled, but I would also add a dignified note that you feel that you should see your Mum and that seeing your Mum should not come at a price.

OneUp · 17/09/2013 23:16

No Hassled, no horrific backstory that I know of. Her new partner is the man she left my Dad for, and originally I didn't want to meet him but actually he's really lovely to my 18 month old and I've really warmed up to him over time.

Wuldric I hate being made to take sides and this isn't the first time he's had a hissy fit over something trivial.

For a while I ended up not seeing my Mum at all as it was causing a lot of hassle for me (I ended up temporarily staying with my Dad when the landlord of my old house decided to sell) but I missed her a lot and started seeing her again behind my Dad's back. I know it's wrong to sneak around but I hated feeling like I wasn't allowed to see my own Mum FFS she's my Mum, she raised me!

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Idespair · 17/09/2013 23:22

I'd leave the stuff on the family members doorstep for now/post it if not big.

I can understand why your dad is terribly hurt by your mum leaving for this new man but you need to tell him straight that he cannot expect you not to see your mum as she is still your mum but not his wife.

OneUp · 17/09/2013 23:26

I've tried to say that but he just won't listen to me and keeps saying that he feels like I'm betraying him. When I accidently slipped up and mentioned his new partner seeing my eighteen month old he said that he felt like she was tainted.

I don't actually know where the family member lives as they refused to tell me so I wouldn't tell Mum (who's been there before and already KNOWS where they live!)

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OneUp · 17/09/2013 23:26

Tell him *

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OneUp · 18/09/2013 20:11

Gahhh got completely confused with what I'm trying to say. I mean tell Mum.

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