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Original poster

Feeling confused about exdh demanding I drop ds off at his.

18 replies

SheerWill · 17/09/2013 18:34

Just had an email from the mediators (after thinking we were all good to go on the divorce) saying that sxbxh wants me to share in the collection run, taking ds to his house. He was the one who walked out on us. He also earns a lot more than me and 2 hours driving t his and back will be more than my finances can manage - that's like an extra tank of fuel.

I also work sundays (teacher) planning and marking, so to take 2 hours out would make me even more stressed out that I am currently (already taking anti ds for anxiety and depression).

His arguments are that it would be fairer overall. He also fees it would be better for ds not just always to be picked up and dropped off by daddy. He thinks this will make things easier for ds to deal with - like it's a more normal part of life. DS has been fine with the arrangements so far.

Am I being bitter and twisted in not wanting to comply with these demands? I probably am so flame away, but I also don't want to go anywhere near his house or his girlfriend - so he can gloat and make me feel even more down.

What to do :-( Help!

OP posts:
Offred · 17/09/2013 18:36

No, he moved away he bears the cost.

Offred · 17/09/2013 18:36

Also poor tactic to try and blindside you outside mediation with this.

Viking1 · 17/09/2013 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ziggyzoom · 17/09/2013 18:38

I would say no in your circumstances. Not sure where you stand legally but he sounds like an arse!

LaurieFairyCake · 17/09/2013 18:41

Just say no, it's not possible for me. Don't elaborate or justify.

Don't tell him either, tell the mediators

Bonsoir · 17/09/2013 18:41

Just say no. You are bearing far more child related logistics than he is - it would be grossly unfair to ask you to do any more.

newboo · 17/09/2013 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Offred · 17/09/2013 18:42

Think the legal position is he moved away he bears the cost of the travelling but don't quote me on that.

Trigglesx · 17/09/2013 18:57

Just because XH wants it, that doesn't mean you have to agree. He moved away, he can deal with it.

Bonsoir · 17/09/2013 18:57

Are you doing all the school runs etc, OP?

AuntySib · 17/09/2013 19:07

I'd reply, explaining what you have said here, namely that you can't afford to do this, either from time or money point of view. Explain that when DS is not there, you are working at the weekend ( and having been a teacher myself I bet it's more than a few hours each weekend.) If pressed you might say that you are not in a position to take on any further commitments, on top of caring for DS, working full-time, school run, etc. You are entitled to some time off!

ImperialBlether · 17/09/2013 19:10

What. Is he then be prepared to do half of the washing, the ironing, the shopping, the cleaning, the homework help, the taking to and from activities, the inviting friends for tea, and all the other things you have to do every single day for you lovely child? Don't think I begrudged this; i never have but it's hard work and all he has to do is drive a car.

watchingout · 17/09/2013 19:16

I think the key point in the request is "share"

You don't have to agree to drive there and back for EVERY visit, also not always the Sunday trip, if that's inconvenient for you.

There must be a mid-point that can be achieved. Maybe even a neutral handover point somewhere between your two houses. So you don't have to see his house and girlfriend.

Also 4 hours driving does not equate to a tank of fuel but I'm just being picky now but I agree that its not much fun to do.

Work on a compromise - you could be in this for a while. Good luck Grin

zzzzz · 17/09/2013 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dedado · 17/09/2013 19:51

It's a request, and you can say no. You don't have to justify your reasons to anyone.

JustinBsMum · 17/09/2013 20:00

Just say no, don't qualify it with reasons or he might come back with some made up reason why he can't manage it either.

IAmNotAMindReader · 17/09/2013 20:34

Say no and suggest handovers be done via a third party from now on as it would be better for your DS not to have to face antagonistic parents at all.
That way you have to drop him off and pick him up from there and so does he, that seems pretty fair.

carlywurly · 17/09/2013 20:40

I had virtually the same situation. I said no. I did it a couple of times and found It was really eating into the tiny amount of free time I had, cost a fortune and had other trivial knock ons - I couldn't have a glass of wine with Sunday lunch or make plans beyond mid afternoon if I knew I'd be driving later that day, for example. I also hated seeing ow, even though I put a good front on.

I do drop off occasionally now, but only if I'm heading in their direction.

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