objective opinions please on whether this relationship is on the skids

[askingforafriend]

This is the scenario:
Couple have been in a relationship for two years. They had a big row last week. They are both still angry about it and had a long chat yesterday when he said that he wasn't sure he wanted to carry on.
They were meant to meet again today but he hasn't been in touch all day.
Do you think she should try to contact him or just leave it?
Do you think the writing is on the wall or what?

if it was me and dh said he didnt want to carry on, i would end it there and then.
but thats me, everyones different.

writing is on the wall.
"I'm not sure if I want to carry on" = "I really don't want to carry on but am slightly too scared to tell you straight out"

and now he thinks he has made himself v clear so isn't contacting her.

it is over, methinks

im afriad i would be inclined to agree.

yes, I would agree. she should, at the very least, back right off and let him come to her.
she will be making a mistake if she tries to force the issue.
I appreciate this is easier said than done.

It's over

Did he leave smoke/skid marks as he sprinted away?

Another yes for it's over.

i would be too proud - i dont beg. i don't chase - i get begged and am chased.
< up mi own arse emoticon>

Yes I would say its over but it will be really hard because just like the stupid man he is he has left everything hanging and I would be dying to call and say "what the hell is going on" but, don't do it you need to be as cool as a cucumber in these situations.

Agree with everyone else.

He wants you to back down & admit he was right & you were wrong! Don't do it! He's trying to make you sweat - he'll get in touch & when he does tell him to SUMO (shut up & move on)

My first thought was 'how long have they been together' but reading other's posts I'm agreeing with them more and more...

SUMO - I'll remember that for when exP gets wind of my contacting CSA and want's to make it all cosy and nice agian so I don't

Over

I disagree, actually, if she wants it to continue she should fight for it. Without knowing any more, this is not enough (to me) to give up on a relationship. It sounds to me like his feelings are hurt and he is licking his wounds. Men can be very stubborn and sensitive. If it was my partner and I loved him I would contact him and let him know I wanted to make it work. I think if she leaves it the relationship is probably over, yes.

We don't know much about the relationship and what the row was about and why he's angry enough to consider packing it in. He said he wasn't sure he wanted to carry on. Err. .. well to me that means he isn't sure he wants to carry on. I would leave him to think it out for himself and if I didn't hear anything after two weeks, I would assume it's over. But that's just me and it isn't my relationship.

OK, here's an update.
He still hasn't called.
He responded to a text she sent last night, to apologise that he was working but asked could they speak today.
The argument was about her taking some criticism of her very badly and acting in an over emotional way and saying some things he found hurtful.
He doesn't feel that was justified and is hurt by it. He feels it has undermined their relationship.
should she try and contact him or not?
She is still feelng very emotional but she has it under control a lot better.

She should play it cool

I would call him and casually ask if they were still on for meeting up today, not be pushy, just conversationally. I think the whole wait for him to call you stuff is crap, and I dont play games - If i want something then I fight for it.

"Undermined" their relationship is not the same as knackered it beyond recognition. Suggest she apologies to him fully (if it is fair......) makes it clear she wants relationship to continue, will work on the stuff that's not right .........then leaves the ball in his court.

Agree Molton, apologise if she feels she should. Say that she understands why he is upset, and that she will give him time to sort his head out on it. Then leave him to it and wait for him to come back to her.

Some things are worth fighting for, I agree, but not if he is playing "chase me" games in the first place. Which it seems he is here.

if i'd have left dh to it when he was fannying around like this in our early days, i'd still be on my own and childless now (only joking)

i did a lot of the chasing but in a very manipulative and crafty way so it didn't appear that i was. but there again, we'd only been seeing each other for a few months when all this kind of nonsense kicked off. if your friend is sure he's the one for he and the relationship is ok apart from this then it's worth fighting for. you can't just throw 2 years down the pan without a bit more of a struggle

I thought so - hurt feelings. Men's egos can be very very tender and many have difficulty getting over wounded pride.

If she loves him then she should try to make it up to him - whatever that takes. How would you be advising the person if it was a woman asking if she shouls take the man back after he'd insulted her? You'd all be saying she should make him beg and crawl, I reckon.

This is the point where I have always begged and crawled, I have to say, but I am very much not the right person to ask for relationship advice.