Lies and Porn and Me....

[TheTrainIsAtTheStation]

Ok, so me and dh have had discussions in the past regarding his porn use... I don't like it but dh does.

We came to an agreement that it would be tolerable to me if dp watched it only now and again and not every second day (it used to be at least) as it makes me feel unattractive, and frankly, I don't agree with it.

Roll on the past couple of weeks, noticed that the history was being deleted about every second day. I was out last night for a short time and when I came back my older (12) ds said he had been looking after the toddler. I asked dh if he had been looking, (things had been moved about in the bedroom and I was suspicious). He said no (asked in a non confrontational way..) asked him a couple of times and he said no, "i promise..."

Well, he has.

I think it's totally unacceptable for him to be doing that whilst he is supposed to be looking after the dcs, and I feel angry that he has totally disregarded how it makes me feel when he does it.

We have had an argument about it and he says he will just keep the history then, so i can see what he is looking at, but i really don't know how i feel...

Don't know where we are going, or if I am being unreasonable and should just let him get on with it....

I think you have tried to come to a compromise about something which you are really not happy to compromise. It's ok, you know, you don't have to accept your dh looking at porn. But if he's not willing to give it up, then you will have to question your whole relationship.

For me it's easy. I don't like abuse of women. So I don't want to be with a man who enjoys watching it.

Hmm think you are right Farienuff. Its something i have tried to compromise on but he just doesn't want to know.

Its also the issue of him supposed to be looking after the kids at the time. We have talked and he doesn't find anything wrong with it

I think you need to accept he will not change or compromise on this. As you say he sees nothing wrong in his behaviour, although you are quite clear how upsetting you find it and how inappropriate it is to be getting off or wanking off to porn whilst caring for your dc!
The decision lies with you now, whether you are prepared to put up with it.
Personally I wouldn't. It shows disrespect to you and your dc. It will eat away at your self esteem.

Agree sounds like you have tried to compromise on something you can't compromise on.

Also think that if he doesn't recognise your feelings there isn't really a compromise at all and not much relationship.

I'd be absolutely FURIOUS if my husband was using the time he should be parenting his children to be watching porn. Absolutely unacceptable. No excuses.

Does he have an addiction to it? Sounds as if he does. He's also hiding it from you which makes me think that you won't really know the frequency to which he is viewing.

For me, I'd have huge issue with this and from what you've said I would be seriously considering the future of the relationship.

Urgh, he has a real porn problem if he wanks off to it while supposed to be looking after the DC. The older DC must have heard something. Vile. What kind of example is he setting them.

You do not have to accept porn but you can't stop him from using it - only he can and your only option is to tell him to choose between you and porn.