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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Does his partner love him?

3 replies

treesntrees · 17/09/2013 09:40

My disabled grandson has been in a relationship with a woman for about eighteen months. Back story. She is an ugly drunk and in the past she has abused him physically. Police have been called on a couple of occasions by hotel staff who were concerned for his safety. He is very generous and gives her a really good allowance as well as paying all bills. She seems to have calmed down somewhat but doesn't act like a loving partner ie. doesn't spend significant occasions like valentines day or Easter with him. With great effort I can accept his reasons/excuses for this and try to bite my tongue.

Anyway to the latest.

He rings me yesterday afternoon and asks if I will go over as she has gone away and he is stranded as his wheelchair is broken(she knew this) and he is hungry. Of course I went. Fed and watered him and helped him to the bathroom. Although he is comfortably off he doesn't have enough money at the moment to buy another cheap wheelchair and was not able to borrow one last night. I stayed with him until his Mum finished work and was able to bring a pushing chair she keeps for when he stays at hers. While I was there he asked me if I thought she really loved him. I answered No but it didn't matter what I thought but what he felt.
What do wise MNs think. Is there any more I can do. I don't offer opinions on his relationship unless he asks but I am feeling very sad for him.

OP posts:
anon2013 · 17/09/2013 09:44

How does he feel about her?. She sounds disgusting if she's left him alone without the facilities to look after himself. Is she just after a free place to stay to come and go when she pleases?

JellyMould · 17/09/2013 09:44

I think you should send him to the mn relationships board - sounds pretty abusive to me.

TheSilverySoothsayer · 17/09/2013 09:49

trees to be blunt I don't think how he feels is the thing he should be focussing on now. although I understand this is hardly something you can say straight out. It is good that he feels able to confide in you, however whether his partner loves him or not, she is acting in a far from loving way. Perhaps you could venture this pov? Apart from that, I don't think there is much else you can do, just be there for him as you are already doing.

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