Am I reading the signs wrong?

[Prforone]

I have been seeing the most wonderful man for the past six months. We have just had a fantastic holiday together, just the two of us, and got on like a house on fire (not even one niggly row!). Now, I'm not silly enough to think that "honeymoon" period lasts forever but I'm beginning to think he's no longer interested in me but doesn't have the guts to tell me so.

The reason for my doubt?!? This is going to sound really silly but recently he mentioned Christmas and how, as his DS will be away with his mum this year, he's going to "escape" (yes, he said "escape") up north to stay with friends over the Christmas/New Year period. I don't have any parents/siblings to spend Christmas with (he's aware of this) and, as such, loathe that time of year myself as it gets very lonely. I was under the impression that we might have spent at least SOME of the Christmas period together, and help each other get through it (him without his DS, me without any family!).

Oh, and his senior school age DS refuses to meet me, despite his mum moving on a few years ago and now living with her new partner. Since finding out I existed, he now wants to spend one-and-a-half days with the BF every weekend. I would never stop him from seeing his DS, of course, but, because of this restriction the DS has set, our weekend time together is limited.

BF doesn't live too far away from me and used to pop round during the week to say hi, but even this has petered out now. He doesn't text me with silly little messages like he used to. The only time he'll text me is if I instigate a "conversation".

Am I being a bit precious?!? I've thought about this so much over the past few days that I've convinced myself he wants out!

I think I'd stop texting/calling and see what happens.

How long since you guys got back for your holiday?

Have you mentioned anything about Christmas to him?

Six months is long enough together to make some Christmas plans, plus you've been on holiday together.

Perhaps he's getting complacent comfortable enough that he doesn't think he needs to do all the little extras like popping round during the week?

Hope it's only in your head, op. I've experienced something similar and it's not a nice situation to be in.

I know it's a really bad time for this, when you're just back from your lovely holiday and everything, but I'd advise doing what you can to mentally detach from him a bit. Launch yourself back into your previous social life, take up that dance/study class, join that weekend activity group; redecorate. This is all good for a soul: I'm not trying to suggest you play 'hot & cold' with him, so much as fall back in love with yourself and let him follow his own lights for now.

I feel for you. It is crap. You seem to be on different pages regarding your relationship, and it's unwise to spend the time hankering. Invest in yourself - and start playing with ideas for Christmas! (Some of my best ones have been when I hosted all my loose-ends friends.)

I think garlicbaguette has given really good advice.

6 months in and he seems to already be stopping making much effort would put me off

Agree stop making all the effort. How are things when you do see each other?

Thank you all.

We've been back from holiday about a month now. The complacency started pretty soon after we returned but I put that down to holiday blues and wanting a bit of space after being together 24/7 for so many days. I cannot begin to tell you how fantastically romantic the holiday was, which is why this personality change seems so odd.

I'll leave the ball in his court for now. Think the final straw for me was last night I sent him a text saying I loved him, and his response was very jokey and non-committal

I'd take a step back and see what happens.

If he really 'wants to escape' I'd be letting him go. Who wants to be with someone wishy washy?

It's disappointing after having such a nice holiday but who knows what is going on in other peoples head's sometimes?!

I think you're reading the signs exactly right, he's lost interest and is sending you signals but hasn't yet got the balls to spell it out. He's probably hoping you'll instigate it by saying something feels wrong.

I think the lovely holiday is unfortunately a red herring. We've all had those moments where to an observer you probably look like love young's dream, but actually it feels like you're playing at the perfect lover. Breaking up after holidays seems to be very common. Sorry OP.

I agree that it's common to break up after a holiday, or even the first weekend away together. Sometimes just because it's gone well the other person gets cold feet. (I know I've done that myself).

You've had some good advice on the thread. Pull back a bit and focus on yourself for a while and see what he does.

As for Christmas, I'll be on my own this year so I'll be posting on MN on Christmas Day,and probably feeling sorry for myself. Now would be a good time for you to make some plans of your own, perhaps a holiday during the Christmas period?

Hi prforone

Nothing much extra to add really, I agree with what people have said and my instinct from reading your post was it seems as though he is cooling off for whatever reason.

If I were you, I'd absolutely try to withhold contact a bit and detach as others have suggested (again, not in a game playing way, in a self preservation way) and see what happens.

Seems to me like you are giving the relationship a lot of time and thought and worry and he's not giving anywhere near as much.

Good luck x

I would have a talk with him. I personally wouldnt take much notice of the "escape" bit. Plenty of people dont like christmas for one reason or another. But I would take notice of the rest. Does sound like he might have cooled.

You could just ask him outright how he feels, what he wants now, and where he sees it going. As long as you make it clear you're interested in an honest reply rather than the 'right' reply, and you're prepared for a worse case scenario, it's probably likely to get resolved much more quickly.

I would say he's lost interest, sounds like you have to instigate communication so stop doing it and you will soon find out how interested in you he really is, simple as that. He's made it pretty clear that you don't figure in his Xmas plans so yes as has been said, get yourself a better social life so you are not relying on him all the time, can't you escape somewhere too?

Thanks to you all. Going to distance myself and see what happens.

He's out tomorrow evening on a works do but reckons he'll be home about 10 and asked me earlier by text if I wanted to come round when he gets home. Errrmm? That'll be a no, thank you very much. I'm not so devoid of a social life that I need to venture out late at night for company!

Thanks again - I feel empowered by your support!

Prforone, just want to say, you are right not to go round to his place at 10pm - sounds like a booty call to me.

I don't necessarily think it's the end for you as, in my experience, when one withdraws it often (although not always) tends to draw them back to you.

However, I do think you've had great advice here in terms of investing in yourself and your own life. Monkey see, monkey do - again, not to play games but to keep things balanced and reciprocal.

Men often go backwards after a full-on romantic holiday. It's the elastic band thing they do - stretching away from you to regain their freedom and independence. Well let him stretch! And if he does "spring back", ask yourself if he is really the one?

In my previous serious relationships, the guys never behaved this way - they were full-on from the off and it didn't cease until I got marriage proposals.

Obviously, my guys weren't the ones either - but they were full on and it didn't work out, so if your guy is half-hearted already it doesn't bode well...