Stupidly nervous about bringing an 'issue' up with DP

[MotherofBear]

I've been with my DP for just under a year. He's really, really great. However, there is something which has upset me (not a big deal to be honest), and I need to discuss it with him as it's bothering me a lot.

The trouble is, in my previous relationship, which lasted over 10 years on/off, if I ever said anything at all about being upset with or by my DP, he would turn it into a massive argument, turn everything around to being my fault and then dump me. Usually after ignoring me for a couple of days (we didn't live together). I dare'n't say anything negative about him to him because this would happen every single time.

I am aware that I was in an at least partially EA relationship, and am very glad to be out of it. I am also aware that my current DP is NOTHING like this, and is in fact the kind of person who would suffer a lot to be with me, as he believes in working hard to make relationships work. As do I.

But I am still stupidly really nervous and worried about bringing this issue up. I don't want him to feel like I'm criticizing him, because I'm not. I do need to get it off my chest though, as I'm just thinking on it all the time.

Does anyone else know how this feels? Have any of you done this?

I know this is a really minor thing really, so many of you are going through or have been through hell and back.

I know that feeling. It's taken me a while, but I can raise things with DH without thinking that I'm going to be shouted down, cos he'd never do it. Once you've done it the first time, you're going to feel bloody marvellous and proud of yourself.

You have to realise that your reaction to needing to talk to him is all about you, not him. If you can honestly accept that, then it will be easier to talk to him.

Be honest with him, tell him that you would like to talk to him but are finding it incredibly hard, and why.

If you still can't talk to him, write it down, let him read it, and then discuss it.

Over time you will get the hang of it, reprogramming your reactions takes time.

Thank you both so much for replying. I actually feel a bit better about it now, knowing at least one other person has had the same experience/feelings, and it all turned out ok, Mad.
And your suggestion of writing it down if I find it too hard to say is brilliant, DIY.

I think that you need to give your DP a chance. Attaching behaviors from your past partner to your present partner is not fair to him.

I do understand your caution though.
If you feel your past experience will jepordize your present life, perhaps counselling would not be a waste of time...and may only take a few sessions to sort out.

Occasionally MrsDisgrace comes in with a confession and a wobbly lower lip.

She doesn't need shouting at as well. She didn't shout at me when I did something silly involving a helicopter and three emergency vehicles.

Mind you, she huffs a bit in airports when my metalwork gets me stripsearched. Again.

Honestly - just do this! It will be like a weight off your shoulders as soon as you tell him .
I sometimes can be the same but I just say ' I want to talk to you about something that's upset me ' and then I spit it out.

It's so much easier that you imagine !!