What can I do about MIL saying nasty things about me to the kids?

[LadyTambaOfTambaTown]

DS is 4 and today he asked me "Are you drunk again Mummy?"

I very very rarely drink, even when I go out I stick to lemonade. I think the last time I had a drink was when I went out a few months ago, and even that was the first time in 5 years or so. I sometimes go to the pub but drink pop. I dont like alcahol.

So I asked him what he meant and he said "Nanny said you get drunk"

As you know, DH and I recently split and hes staying at his moms, he has the kids for 2 nights last week there.

So what can I do if mil is putting thoughts like this in his head? And why would she say that!!

Ive had no contact at all with any of the in-laws since he moved out.

its up to your ex to ensure that his relatives do not talk like this. you need to remind him that you are the mother of his children and deserve respect. and tbh, i would say to him that if his relatives cannot be civil, then you will have to protect your children from hearing such distressing things.

I agree. I think a firm word with your husband is in order.

Agree with M2P. She should be ashamed of herself, saying things like that at all, let alone in front of the children. Poisonous witch. Tell dh this is very hurtful for your children and if she won't stop doing it, he'll have to see the children somewhere else.

if DS is asking these questions ... then he obviously is intelligent enough to understand what he's being told.

Bearing that in mind - I personally would explain to DS that Nanny is saying untrue things because she is cross and hurting inside and wants others to feel sad too.

Tell him that every loves him very much but sometimes grownups say horrid things to hurt each other.

IMO I find that a "degree" of honesty to the kids can be handled .....

I know that this is hard ( I also have MIL problems ) ... but it pays to hold the moral high ground.

Good Luck

write it down and date it together with all the other incidences of unreasonable behaviour that your kids are being exposed to. will be useful when it gets legal. i would habe no problems at all in stopping the kids going to his parents if this continues and allowing him access on neutral ground. it is bloody outrageous that they are suign your ds in this way
for you
have you had any legal advice yet?

O Tamba, you are having a cr*p time aren't you.

Sympathy.

(She sounds like an evil old witch! Can you say to your kids "Take no notice of Nanny, she's an evil..." No, of course you can't. Be satisfying though! )

Talk to your ex. This is NOT ON.

BTW, offer of a day out to stourport with your 2 still stands. You would be very welcome!

Having asked DH about it earlier, he is denying that mil ever said it and even when I pointed out that he might not have been in the room at the time, he said she would never possibly say anything like that.

But DS wouldnt just make it up, and I believe him.

One of my concerns is that, due to our break up being recent, she may be planning to persuade dh to apply for custody and try and make me out to be an unfit mother. She hasnt got a hope in hell of getting anywhere with it but the thought of her being so underhand and nasty is shocking.

I went to the CAB and a load of paper work arrived this morning which I havent hade chance to look through yet.

DH has the kids, Fri - Mon this week so I dread to think what they will come home thinking!

Sassy, will email you

I would say to him when he picks them up that you have to believe your son as you don't think he would just make something up/lie about this and that if you hear anything further from the kids then you will have no choice but to stop them from going to your mil until things have become more settled and then as one other poster said note down everything that has been said to you or your lo.

i think you should keep a log of everything that's been said (either directly to you or via your ds). it'll help back you up when you come to deal with 3rd parties - ie. you can pinpoint exact dates & statements. makes for a very convincing argument.

what a complete and utter sociopath

Dh has just come round to see the kids, and I mentioned it to him again.

I said that I think its unaaceptable and innapropriate and that it if happened again the we would have to re-consider the arrangements when he sees the boys.

He seemed to find it amusing

Your dh/xh and mil are as bad as each other if he finds it amusing. There has been good advice given already so I wont repeat it. Take Care xx

I feel for you, hope you can do something about it. I share the same kind of MIL who will go and cause pain to her own descendants in order to get her way. So, good idea to keep a log of the comments (this kind of woman can just pretend you are making it all up) but be careful just to write what your child says and not to "interrogate" him on the subject as it may render your evidence unusable.

you might find writing it down quite cathartic (sp) anyway but i'd say it's well worth doing. will also be very useful to show anyone who gets involved with representing you legally (if it comes to that)