2 months out of DV rel and so low

[LuisSuarezTeeth]

He was arrested, convicted, he is gone. I have protection and all that.

I'm independent, capable and resourceful.

I decided to change the tumble dryer door over to open the opposite way. (Star drives, stupid sizes) he would never have done that anyway! So why did I break down and howl for 20 mins?

Wtf is wrong with me? I'm not hormonal. I hate him.

Any advice please?

Have you tried the freedom programme yet?

What you are grieving is the person you thought (at one time) he might have been.

I can't get on the freedom programme atm but I am familiar with it. I think I'm working so much and wishing I was with man who would respect me.

I'm just tired and I need a day off.

I'm in the same boat, although only a few days out of it all. I cried for the first time tonight because he admitted he was at fault, not me. I guess it's rather like grieving a loss, the 'what might have been' if they hadn't behaved so badly.

I can't really offer any advice, just the thought that I'm nodding and agreeing that you're better off without him, and the old cliché that time heals.

Good luck OP, I'm virtually hand holding.

The first few weeks are bloody hard going. It's a roller coaster.

Expect it, be ready for it. Tell yourself it will be OK.

Because it will. Part of you can see that you're moving on, it's scary.

Things are getting better. Keep strong.

Be gentle on yourself. Try to see friends. And maybe see your doctor - counselling may help. Take care - you're worth more than you think x

you can do the freedom programme online here

www.onespace.org.uk/elearning/courses/freedom-programme

I agree, you are on a massive rollercoaster with the worst lows and the highs also - just hold on and ride it out. You will get through it.

Thank you all. I agree I need to see doctor.

Thank you for the link, Lily

Please just remind yourself that you have been through abuse and that it's a HUGE trauma on us, and one that won't go away by itself.

You have been forbidden from feeling for so long, now you are free, all those repressed feelings come out and it feels scary.

Be kind to yourself, doing the FP is being kind to yourself. It's tough going, but it's like an insurance policy designed to prevent you every being caught up by an abuser again.

I think in all cases the FP needs to be done in person. You need to see the others telling the exact same stories as you, worse than yours sometimes, and sometimes YOURS is the worst story in the room. When you see that, it really reinforces the fact that it wasn't US that did this, it was HIM.

Keep posting. MN is a lifeline too. Have you checked into the Emotional Abuse thread here? Call WA whenever you need a RL human voice.

Thank you hissy. I take your point about the FP.

I lurk on the EA thread a lot and yes, MN is a lifeline for me.

Thank you for replying x

Luis, i just wanted to write a quick message to say how much i admire you for getting out.

I left then went back. I couldnt do it on my own.

I wish you all the very best for your future.

Blonde, you CAN do it on your own love, you just weren't ready then.

Keep at it. You'll get there! Don't give up on yourself.

On average it takes 8 attempts to get out. So don't anyone beat themselves up about getting out or not.

You're both very courageous. Just believe it!

Thank you hissy. Best of luck to you op.