My friends love life. I wish she hadn't told me about it.

[filimou]

Posted this here as not sure where to post. One of my best friends is in a relationship with someone she has been with for about a year. (A)
Before that she was seeing someone else (B). She recently confided in me she's been seeing our mutual friend (C). It started when C moved here (away from his partner who he is in a long distance relationship with). This means she would have also cheated on B with him.
At some point she broke it off with C but they've now been seeing each other again for about 7 months. He says he loves her and is only staying here for her but has recently been on holiday with his partner and now he's all confused.
She doesn't want to break up with A until she has figured out how she feels despite it 'not really going anywhere'. She's confided in me to ask my advice, but to be honest, I just want to tell her to grow up. This isn't love's young dream, she's being selfish (stringing A along) and he's a prick who's just using her because he's lonely. he's had more than enough time to end it with his girlfriend but he hasn't has he? No he still visits her, she still visits him and they go on holiday together.
However, I'm aware that saying that makes me a bad friend (and a judgmental cow). So help me out what do I do?

I disagree that you'd be being a bad friend to give her a reality check. Being a bad friend would be encouraging her to carry on with this series of charades, which can only end terribly for all concerned.

It would be different if you were sticking your nose in uninvited, but she has asked! Would she take it really badly?

She sounds like someone who can't bear to be single.

It just all seems really immature tbh. I think on some level she's loving the drama.

yes, and I guess that's why she's told you, to have someone to talk about it endlessly with. Poor A.

I guess all you can do is give her a non-insulting version of what you think, and then if she tries to bring it up again just stonewall and say you've told her what you think already. Don't let her co-opt you into the drama.

Thanks madbuslady ((tries hard to be non insulting))

I don't think you have to judgmental with her.

Just make the observation that the relationship with A can't be all that if she's seeing C. If C ends it she'll be left with an unsatisfactory relationship.

Point out that by seeing A she is behaving just the same as C with his other partner. If she really likes C she would do well to make herself fully available and ask him to do the same. See whether its a goer or not, once and for all.

If she umms and ahs, it might be time to say shes risking hurting both A and C's partner.

She likes the drama so just refuse to feed it. If she brings it up just say "I feel really sorry for A and C's girlfriend" and change the subject.

Well, I have thus far managed to avoid talking about it. Now C has come in to the office and announced that he has taken another job, basically at the other end of the country (he said that when they offered him the job he didn't even have to think about it, he just snapped their hand off for it basically).
So now my friend will be upset about it, and I do feel bad that she is upset, but I don't agree with the choices that she has made to get this point iyswim, after all, she was thriving on the drama of it all, and treating other people quite badly in them process) so, how can I help her feel better, support her as a friend without somehow agreeing with this whole thing?

Time for sympathetic but non-committal noises I'd say - you've managed to keep out of it for almost 3 months, who knows what's happening between friend &A, friend &C, C&C's GF...you can presume that C doesn't feel any commitment to your friend because he's upping sticks & going, so that (when all's said & done!) is that. No need for long mournful conversations about what might have been - steer the conversation in another direction!